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In part 1, we shared 1 Peter 3:1–2 and Peter’s command to a wife to remain respectful to her disobedient husband. The first major reason to do this is because by doing so they will find favor in the eyes of God.
A woman wrote to me: "My husband has expressed that he does not love me and now is involved with another woman. I have read your book and have applied many things concerning this respect message.
“Respect is earned.” Have you heard that sentiment before? It’s a fairly popular thought in culture today, even bleeding into the church and our interpretations of passages like Ephesians 5:33: “However, each one of you [husbands] also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Men and women have differing sexual and emotional needs, which I have preached for forty years. But be assured, this does not mean that one does not have sexual needs and the other does not have emotional needs. Differing does not mean nonexistent.
Back before I began sharing across the world the Love and Respect message, based on Ephesians 5:33, we surveyed seven thousand people with the following question: "During a conflict with your spouse, do you feel unloved or disrespected?"
At the beginning of every new football season, Vince Lombardi would lift up the focal object of their game and exclaim, “Gentlemen, this is a football.” The point he was making to his team was simple: start with the basics. If they are to find success on the field, then the fundamentals of their game must be mastered and maintained.
When it comes to faithfully and unconditionally applying love and respect in your marriage, what do most people say their worst fear is? For a husband, it’s that he learns to show love in the way that should touch his wife at her core but then she still shows him contempt. In response to his goodwilled attempts to be close, open, understanding, peacemaking, loyal, and esteeming (see C.O.U.P.L.E. from my book Love & Respect), she remains disrespectful.
I am often asked about “exceptions” to the Love and Respect message. In short, while both husband and wife need love and respect equally, research reveals that during conflict, the felt need of the majority of women is love while the felt need of the majority of men is respect.
Goodwill is the intention to do good toward a husband. During conflicts or disagreements, a husband should give his wife the benefit of the doubt. Proverbs 31:11,12 states: The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
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