Our Pink and Blue Designs Even Have Us Solving Problems Differently!

I have spoken often about the need to understand and appreciate God’s pink and blue design of women and men, respectively, because our differences undoubtedly go well beyond the biological. A woman views the world through her pink sunglasses, interprets through pink hearing aids, and speaks through a pink megaphone. A man, however, does all of this through shades of blue.

These pink and blue differences even affect the different ways men and women attempt to handle a hardship, such as an unexpected unemployment, a defaulting bank loan, or a disciplinary issue with a child. Oftentimes, the methods that most naturally suit his blue maleness to work through the hardship are quite different than the ways her pink femininity tells her that it should be done.

I wonder if any of the following distinctive pink and blue ways of handling hardships prove true in your marriage:

Contemplating the problem is what makes him feel better. Conveying the problem is what makes her feel better.

Understanding the problem energizes him. Being understood as having a problem energizes her.

Solving the problem is what makes him feel good. Solace during the problem is what makes her feel good.

If the wife does not understand her husband’s need to “leave” for a while, she will force a connection he doesn’t want. If the husband does not understand his wife’s need to “cleave” for a while, he will force a disconnection she doesn’t want.

To think, he needs time alone in his “For Men Only” lodge. To talk, she needs time alone with him in her “Nest For Two.” He desires a getaway with himself only. She desires a getaway with him alone.

He will naturally draw away from her to focus on the problem to research and resolve it. She will naturally draw toward him to focus on the problem to rehearse and release it.

The misunderstanding happens in her heart when he tries to disconnect (withdraws). His pulling back from her feels like he is pushing her away emotionally. This feels like rejection. She feels unaccepted and unloved. The misunderstanding happens in his heart when she tries to connect. Her pushing forward toward him feels like she is pushing herself on him emotionally. This feels like intrusion. He feels unaccepted and disrespected.

He simply wanted time alone to think. She simply wanted time alone with him to talk. Neither was trying to be unloving or disrespectful.

Neither is wrong, just different. And as we grow in our understanding of our spouse’s different design and come to appreciate the femininity in her and the masculinity in him, I believe we will be amazed at how these differences we once thought were tearing us apart are actually intended to better unite us as husband and wife into a relationship that “no man can separate” (Mark 10:9).

But if these differences are not understood, accepted, and appreciated, then sparks fly! She torches his lodge and he flies her nest! Talk about distress.

Both husband and wife are trying to work through the problem, though. They simply have different methods that seem opposed to one another. Perhaps this is part of what the apostle Paul had in mind when he wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 that those who marry “will have trouble” (v. 28). But if we believe that our pink and blue differences are truly part of God’s design of men and women, then we can be confident that His design also allows for us to find win-win resolutions to these hardships that come our way.