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A woman wrote to me: "My husband has expressed that he does not love me and now is involved with another woman. I have read your book and have applied many things concerning this respect message.
“Respect is earned.” Have you heard that sentiment before? It’s a fairly popular thought in culture today, even bleeding into the church and our interpretations of passages like Ephesians 5:33: “However, each one of you [husbands] also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Men and women have differing sexual and emotional needs, which I have preached for forty years. But be assured, this does not mean that one does not have sexual needs and the other does not have emotional needs. Differing does not mean nonexistent.
Back before I began sharing across the world the Love and Respect message, based on Ephesians 5:33, we surveyed seven thousand people with the following question: "During a conflict with your spouse, do you feel unloved or disrespected?"
Truth be told, the vast majority of disagreements that arise between husband and wife are what I call disagreements in the gray areas of life. Meaning there is not a clear, black-and-white answer to who is right and who is wrong.
Famed physicist Stephen Hawking once said that women are the most intriguing mystery he ever came upon during his lifetime. Thirteenth-century poet Rumi agreed, writing, “A woman is a mystery to guide a wise and open man.”
I have spoken to and counseled countless numbers of extremely successful professionals—Fortune 500 company executives, NFL coaches and general managers, professional athletes, church ministry leaders, and many others at the top of their game.
In Matthew 19:9, Jesus said, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Put another way, if a spouse has committed adultery, this kind of immorality is grounds for the marriage’s dissolution.
Think back to your last few arguments with your spouse. The times when something he or she did or said really set you off. Maybe you were fuming mad, even if for only a few moments. Perhaps you stirred angry in bed or vented with your friend about how upset you had become with your spouse.
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