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What Could They Mean When She Says, “I Need Respect” and He Says, “I Need Love”?

What Could They Mean When She Says, “I Need Respect” and He Says, “I Need Love”?

Back before I began sharing across the world the Love and Respect message, based on Ephesians 5:33, we surveyed seven thousand people with the following question: "During a conflict with your spouse, do you feel unloved or disrespected?"

Five Strategies to Achieving Win-Win in Marriage

Five Strategies to Achieving Win-Win in Marriage

Truth be told, the vast majority of disagreements that arise between husband and wife are what I call disagreements in the gray areas of life. Meaning there is not a clear, black-and-white answer to who is right and who is wrong.

Does Jesus’ Claim to be “the Son of Man” Mean He Wasn’t the Son of God?

Does Jesus’ Claim to be “the Son of Man” Mean He Wasn’t the Son of God?

Some claim that because Jesus Christ describes Himself as "the Son of Man" (instead of “the Son of God”) in three of the gospels about Christ's life and ministry (Matthew, Mark, and Luke), this proves he was not the Son of God, and thus not God.

“I’m Right and My Spouse Is Wrong, So It’s Not My Job to Get Us Off the Crazy Cycle” - Part 3

“I’m Right and My Spouse Is Wrong, So It’s Not My Job to Get Us Off the Crazy Cycle” - Part 3

Because a husband primarily sees through the lens of respect, he knows that he seeks to be respectful and honorable as a man. And, he knows that she falls short of being respectful, at least as respectful as he is as a man.

What Could They Mean When She Says, “I Need Respect” and He Says, “I Need Love”?

Five Strategies to Achieving Win-Win in Marriage

Does Jesus’ Claim to be “the Son of Man” Mean He Wasn’t the Son of God?

“I’m Right and My Spouse Is Wrong, So It’s Not My Job to Get Us Off the Crazy Cycle” - Part 3

When the Energizing Cycle Doesn’t Work

When the Energizing Cycle Doesn’t Work

When it comes to faithfully and unconditionally applying love and respect in your marriage, what do most people say their worst fear is? For a husband, it’s that he learns to show love in the way that should touch his wife at her core but then she still shows him contempt. In response to his goodwilled attempts to be close, open, understanding, peacemaking, loyal, and esteeming (see C.O.U.P.L.E. from my book Love & Respect), she remains disrespectful.

When Your “Love and Respect Meters” Appear Broken

When Your “Love and Respect Meters” Appear Broken

I am often asked about “exceptions” to the Love and Respect message. In short, while both husband and wife need love and respect equally, research reveals that during conflict, the felt need of the majority of women is love while the felt need of the majority of men is respect.

Trusting Your Wife's Goodwill

Trusting Your Wife's Goodwill

Goodwill is the intention to do good toward a husband. During conflicts or disagreements, a husband should give his wife the benefit of the doubt. Proverbs 31:11,12 states: The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Is God Judging Us or Disciplining Us? - Part 2

Is God Judging Us or Disciplining Us? - Part 2

In part 1, we discussed the first of two erroneous ideas many Christ-followers have: I must pay for certain sins in spite of what the Bible says to the contrary. In part 2, we will look at the opposite side of the spectrum, where many do not fully understand the full weightiness of their sins, and in return make an equally dangerous mistake.

Is God Judging Us or Disciplining Us? - Part 1

Is God Judging Us or Disciplining Us? - Part 1

Do you remember the old village stocks? They were wooden structures positioned in the village square. Many had a hole through which the head was placed, and two holes for the left and right hands. Some had holes for the feet.

Am I Responsible for My Spouse’s Reactions?

Am I Responsible for My Spouse’s Reactions?

Have you ever experienced a conflict with your spouse like this one I described in my book Love & Respect? The husband is gone for a week on a business trip. As his plane lands, he starts envisioning a romantic evening with his wife, so he hurries home as quickly as he can.

Are You Manipulating Him or Motivating Him?

Are You Manipulating Him or Motivating Him?

Have you ever gotten the results you wanted but not in the way you wanted them, and as a result you were not as satisfied as you had hoped you’d be at that point? For example, your goal was for your son to clean up his messy room, which he did.

What Does It Mean for You if You Do Not Have the Gift of Celibacy?

What Does It Mean for You if You Do Not Have the Gift of Celibacy?

In 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul wrote, “I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each has his own gift from God, one in this way, and another in that.”