Second Guessing and Second Chances: What We Learn from Simon Peter

Jesus’ disciple Peter loved the Lord—that is clear and indisputable—yet he failed numerous times, most miserably. However, on each occasion he fell short, we gain glimpses into his soul. Specifically, when Peter thrice denied Jesus, we can see inside his heart and that he carried the weight of these denials that sent him into what might be called the dark night of his soul. His unfaithfulness and failure—toward Jesus whom he loved—sent him into a depressed state.

Peter’s Dark Night

Earlier that evening on the night of Peter’s denial, Jesus had predicted Peter’s denials to his face at the Last Supper. “Truly I say to you that this very night, before a rooster crows, you will deny Me three times” (Matthew 26:34). 

In part, this came after Jesus had specifically warned Peter about failing, to which Peter had reacted with complete objection!

In Luke 22:31-32, we read, “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded to sift you men like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith will not fail; and you, when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

How did Peter object? In verse 33, we read, “But he said to Him, ‘Lord, I am ready to go with You both to prison and to death!’”

That’s when Jesus told Peter he would deny Him three times (v. 34). 

Fast-forward a few hours after Jesus’ arrest. During the Lord’s interrogation, while He stood before Caiaphas and the Council, three times as Peter lingered outside in the courtyard with various people, bystanders identified Peter as a disciple of Jesus. We read: “But he denied it…. And again he denied it, with an oath: . . . Then he began to curse and swear, “I do not know the man!” And immediately a rooster crowed” (Matthew 26:70, 72, 74).

When the rooster crowed, the narrative continues, “And Peter remembered the statement that Jesus had made: ‘Before a rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.’ And he went out and wept bitterly” (v. 75).

Overwhelmed by the truth about himself, that he would deny knowing Jesus, and that Jesus had predicted this set of denials, Peter experienced the deepest grief, remorse, and anguish ever. He sobbed to near convulsion. To Peter, there was no return, no do-over. Emotionally, he felt all was lost from his thrice denial. He had to be a total failure and completely disqualified, especially since earlier he had claimed he would die for Jesus at such a moment. 

Yes, Jesus had foretold restoring Peter after Satan sifted him like wheat, but did Peter hear that prediction? Many things went over the heads of the disciples. But even if Peter had heard Jesus speak of his restoration, the fact that he “wept bitterly” reveals that emotionally he wasn’t feeling such hope in that moment. And nor would he for quite a while, until he and Jesus would eventually meet on the shoreline to address, indirectly, his denials.

It May Have Been Even Darker for Peter

When you and I fail, we may know Romans 11:29 (AMPC), which says, “For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. [He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.]”

We know this in our head but do not feel it in our heart, not when what we have transgressed to the point of weeping bitterly.

Does Peter, or do we, instantaneously embrace forgiveness and full-throttle focus on the needs of others?

Does Peter, or do we, move into self-reflection and soothe the self with the words of Jesus about starting again to strengthen others?

Does Peter, or do we, accept our setbacks of unfaithfulness and begin feeling good about ourselves as we did when we had clear consciences?

Does Peter, or do we, stand up and stand on the truth that the gifts and calling of God are irrevocable, so we are good to go?

Does Peter, or do we, quickly wipe away our tears and put a smile on our face since we are to forget those things behind us and press forward to fulfill God’s purposes?

No, it takes a little time when we feel like we are the worst person on the planet, having failed God, ourselves, and others. 

Please permit me to digress and ask a question that can highlight why Peter was feeling far more defeated than we might have imagined. 

When Peter denied Jesus three times, could Peter have been feeling and thinking, “I am the betrayer. I am the one Jesus talked about at the Last Supper”? 

How clear was it in Peter’s mind that he was the denier, not the betrayer? In hindsight, we know Judas was the betrayer, but did Peter figure this out in real time? Did Peter weep bitterly because he felt that he was the betrayer?

There are clear readings in Scripture that might lead us to conclude that Peter should have viewed himself as the denier and not as the betrayer. But, did Peter pay attention to those clear statements? If I am correct in contending that for a brief period of time Peter concluded he was the betrayer, this adds to our understanding of his convulsions.

Jesus never identified the betrayer at the Last Supper. He merely said, “Truly I say to you that one of you will betray me” (Matthew 26:21). He intended for each to wonder if they were the betrayer. 

It worked. “They were saddened, and one by one they said to him, ‘Surely you don’t mean me?’” (Mark 14:19 NIV). This potential of being the betrayer sent shock waves among the Twelve. Jesus escalated the seriousness by saying, “Woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born” (Matthew 26:24 NIV). This overwhelmed each disciple. Jesus did not identify Judas as the betrayer, though of course Jesus and Judas both knew it was Judas.

As the evening of the Last Supper continued, Jesus stated, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered’” (Matthew 26:31 NIV). 

In Matthew’s account, we learn of another reply by Peter: “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will” (v. 33 NIV).

We then read again what Jesus said to Peter: “‘Truly I tell you,’ Jesus answered, ‘this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times’” (v. 34). 

And, Matthew includes Peter’s courageous reply. “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you” (v. 35).

In looking at this information, I have often wondered if, in real time Peter differentiated his denials from the language about betrayal. We know the disciples did not understand many things at first hearing.

Later that night, in the Garden of Gethsemane, we read about Jesus praying three times and asking for this cup of suffering to pass. After the third time, “he returned to the disciples and said to them, ‘Are you still sleeping and resting [this includes Peter]? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!’” (vv. 45-46). 

Then, in the dark, Judas arrived with the soldiers, and Jesus called him the betrayer. There it is, in plain sight. If Peter heard this and made the connection, then my speculation about Peter feeling he was the betrayer is invalid. However, when Peter awakened from his sleep, was he tracking everything? He saw a small army appearing with lights and weapons, prompting a scuffle where Peter cuts off a soldier’s ear. Jesus rebuked him, and then they escorted Jesus away. In the violence, confusion, and fear, the disciples scattered. 


Did Peter connect the dots that Judas was the betrayer? At face value, yes. but there was so much going down at once, I am not 100 percent convinced. Did sleepy Peter hear, “Here comes my betrayer”? Was he connecting Judas with what Jesus had said a few hours earlier at the Last Supper—that one would betray Him—and now Jesus referred to Judas as the betrayer? Maybe. But even if he saw Judas and heard the statement of betrayal, did it register? As we read in John 13:27-30, the others did not connect Judas as the evil betrayer. Some argued that Judas was the last person they would have suspected. Nothing had shown that to be the case, at least in their eyes. 

I surface this since I seek to grasp the emotional state of Peter when we read he “wept bitterly” after hearing the rooster crow. 

Whether or not Peter believed he was the betrayer, he certainly expected some confrontation from Jesus about the three denials. That alone appears to have agonized Peter until his restoration on the shoreline, which may have been as many as three weeks later. 

His Dark Night Lasted Three Weeks?

Let’s consider the time and sequence of Peter having to live in silence with his denial of Jesus. 

First, Peter had to face the reality of Jesus being crucified and buried. The crucifixion destroyed all hope of a new kingdom on earth. All were disillusioned. The crucifixion turned their world upside down. Yes, Jesus predicted He would rise from the dead in three days, but they didn’t hear it. As Jews, that did not fit the information they believed about the Messiah. They tended to either not hear it or simply dismiss it. This is one reason I think Peter did not hear, “Here comes my betrayer.” The disciples showed a pattern of selectively hearing.

Then three days later, he heard the report of the empty tomb from Mary Magdalene and that she saw the Lord alive (John 20:11-18). His world turned upside down again. How can this be? How can he be alive?

Peter then saw Jesus. “Now when it was evening on that day, the first day of the week” (John 20:19), Jesus appeared to the disciples except for Thomas (vv. 19-23). Right away after the resurrection, Jesus came into the presence of Peter and the others but said nothing to Peter.

As breathtaking and jaw-dropping as the appearance of Jesus was, something troubling loomed deep in the soul of Peter. To Peter, Jesus was ignoring the most horrendous moment in Peter’s life, not that the resurrected Lord owed Peter any focus on the matter. Peter had no right to require of Jesus to address the denials. But this stone silence just made it worse.

Peter had to wait in agony.

Then Jesus appeared again but no time is assigned to this. It could have been two or three weeks later. During this appearance, Thomas was present (vv. 24-29), and therefore was the sole focus. Jesus addressed the issue in front of Thomas about believing without seeing. However, once again, Peter was ignored. This left him more sober and sorrowful than ever. Peter waited longer in silence, carrying his grief, remorse, and anguish. 

Peter’s three denials were eating away at him. He could not sit around in closed rooms any longer. Stir-crazy, he exclaimed, “I am going fishing” (John 21:3). Perhaps fishing was more than a break from the emotional panic, but it was his future. He felt he had to return to his fishing trade for a living. Though Jesus was alive and resurrected, which is beyond amazing, Peter’s failure had overshadowed the miracle, in his eyes.


Most certainly, some disciples recalled and reported what Jesus had said to Peter when He predicted Peter’s denials. “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:31-32). 

To encourage him, I envision some exclaiming, “Come on, Peter, snap out of this. Jesus will restore you!”

But what if his faith had failed permanently? The fact that he had no interest in strengthening anyone but only desired to fish might prove he was now a lost cause. In other words, had he irreversibly failed to love Jesus, which explains Jesus’ silence?

Finally, in John 21, the encounter with Jesus on the shore emerges.

This was now the third time that Jesus revealed Himself to the disciples, after He was raised from the dead. Now when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My lambs.” He said to him again, a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Shepherd My sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter was hurt because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Tend My sheep. (vv. 14-17)

Three times, Jesus asked him if he loved Him. There it is. For each denial. Then, He restored Peter to the call on his life. Be the shepherd of Christ’s flock, not a fisherman on the Sea of Galilee.

“For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. [He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call]” (Romans 11:29 AMPC).

Peter’s thrice denial, marked by shattering grief and remorse, could have defined him as an unfaithful person and failure. Still, to Jesus, the calling of God is irrevocable, so He not only forgave Peter but also restored him to the mission of shepherding Christ’s flock. 

There Is Redemption in Our Dark Nights Too

Making it personally, what if you are facing failure and self-doubt? What is the way forward to be restored?

1. My Honesty: After the fact, Peter did not deny his denial, nor should we.

When we do not acknowledge our mistakes and failures, we hinder restoration in that we are claiming there is no need for redemption. 

On the other hand, those who readily face off with their unfaithfulness, they move forward much more quickly and wholly. 

When I compare and contrast Gordon McDonald, who had an affair, with Jimmy Swaggert, who visited prostitutes, Gordon submitted to authority in his life and aligned with these leaders. This eventuated in ministry that no one criticized. Whereas with Swaggert, he ruled his future and ended up doing the same thing over again.

2. My Pain: Peter shows us that some time inevitably passes when we experience grief, remorse, and anguish, so we must not suppress these emotions.

Suppressing and repressing these emotions that surge in everyone who seriously falls short will only prolong the restoration process. We cannot find relief from grief, remorse, and anguish by denying these emotions.

On the other hand, for individuals who honestly acknowledge what they feel and why they feel it, taking full responsibility, restoration awaits them. Yes, they must endure weeks if not months of sadness, but a corner is turned at a point in future. 

For example, I have a rule of thumb for couples recovering from an affair: it will take one month for every year of marriage. So if you have been married eighteen years, it will take a year and a half to address the continuum of issues and establish trust. Those who accept this reality, as torturous as it is for both parties, will find their progress more fruitful.

3. My Adaptation: Peter accepted and acted on the restoration by Jesus, and so must we, though the nature of that restoration may be different than we prefer. 

If some of us envision being restored to the same or better position, we should think again. Though Peter did not suffer the consequences of his denial like one might after an adulterous relationship, he had to live with the denials. Admittedly, he suffered less than most of us who have been unfaithful. But to think if as a senior pastor, I can be back in the pulpit twelve months after committing adultery, is presumption and not a reflection of God’s gift and calling.

In the case of Gordon McDonald, he took many years to be restored and then to work with other couples facing adultery. Though he returned to the pulpit after much time, he shifted back to ministering through and based on his failings. A shift in focus can happen and should be respected. We cannot act as though nothing unfaithful happened that should be detrimental to one’s future.

The story of Peter reminds us that even in our darkest moments of denial and subsequent self-doubt, there is redemption and restoration. Just as Peter’s story did not end with his failing, ours doesn’t have to end with our moments of unfaithfulness. Despite our imperfections, even publicly, we can be restored and serve others even more powerfully.