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Browse through and read hundreds of articles on the topic of marriage
Husbands and wives will find themselves in conflict with each other—that is undeniable. In fact, because the apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:28 that those who marry “will have trouble in this life,” we can also conclude that some conflict within marriage is by God’s design.
When a husband and wife find themselves on yet another out-of-control Crazy Cycle—where feeling unloved, she reacts without respect; and feeling disrespected, he reacts without love—how do they decide who is going to be the first to stop reacting unlovingly or disrespectfully?
You’ve probably heard the phrase “happy wife, happy life” before. Maybe it’s in the context of something simple, like choosing what restaurant to eat at or not leaving dirty clothes on the bathroom floor.
The idea of unconditional respect for the husband has always been the Love and Respect message’s unique feature, based on Ephesians 5:33. Many books stress Paul’s instruction for husbands to love their wives (“each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself . . .”), but few spend equal space if any at all, to the rest of the verse (“. . . and the wife must respect her husband”).
Many wives share disappointment that their husbands rarely talk to them at a deeper level. “Emerson, when we were dating, we used to talk long into the night getting to really know each other. What happened to him?”
The key to motivating another person is meeting that person’s deepest need. Since Ephesians 5:33 reveals that a wife needs love and a husband needs respect, then the key to motivating a wife is to meet her need for love, and the fundamental way to energize a husband is meet his need for respect.
Someone who only speaks German cannot communicate with someone who only speaks Spanish. Each needs to learn the other's vocabulary. Communication can only happen when there is mutual understanding. Communication is not the key to marriage. Mutual understanding is the key to a successful marriage.
A wife wrote to me saying, “My husband has disconnected from our marriage. We were on the Crazy Cycle for years, and it got really bad this year. He had an emotional affair and is now convinced that we can never be happy together, can both eventually find happiness elsewhere, and he wants a divorce.“I've been trying the CHAIRS principle for 3 months and have gotten very little response.
Have you been infected with the disease of Love and Respect? Has the message of Ephesians 5:33 so contaminated you that it oozes from your pores? Are you so contagious that when you sneeze you infect others with the same Love and Respect disease? As you share the good things happening to you, does this create an enthusiasm in others to hear more?
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