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Browse through and read hundreds of articles on the topic of marriage
Husbands and wives will find themselves in conflict with each other—that is undeniable. In fact, because the apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:28 that those who marry “will have trouble in this life,” we can also conclude that some conflict within marriage is by God’s design.
When a husband and wife find themselves on yet another out-of-control Crazy Cycle—where feeling unloved, she reacts without respect; and feeling disrespected, he reacts without love—how do they decide who is going to be the first to stop reacting unlovingly or disrespectfully?
You’ve probably heard the phrase “happy wife, happy life” before. Maybe it’s in the context of something simple, like choosing what restaurant to eat at or not leaving dirty clothes on the bathroom floor.
The idea of unconditional respect for the husband has always been the Love and Respect message’s unique feature, based on Ephesians 5:33. Many books stress Paul’s instruction for husbands to love their wives (“each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself . . .”), but few spend equal space if any at all, to the rest of the verse (“. . . and the wife must respect her husband”).
Many wives share disappointment that their husbands rarely talk to them at a deeper level. “Emerson, when we were dating, we used to talk long into the night getting to really know each other. What happened to him?”
Every married couple is going to experience conflict. That is unavoidable. In fact, it’s even natural. However, when we experience conflict with our spouse, there’s a tendency to be suspicious of their motivation.
In the classic Charles Dickens tale A Christmas Carol, Ebenezer Scrooge needs encounters with three ghosts—those of Christmas past, of Christmas present, and of Christmas future—so as to be able to step out of his shoes for a moment and see how his horrid actions and attitude are affecting those around him in negative ways that he can’t see otherwise.
The concept of unconditional respect has always been the unique feature of the Love and Respect message, based on Ephesians 5:33. It’s also always been the so-called controversial half. Alternatively, there’s nothing controversial about unconditional love. The world agrees, and countless books have stressed, that husbands must love their wives unconditionally. No one is getting canceled on social media for preaching that message.
Men, can you relate to the husband who emailed me to ask, “What do I do when my wife calls me in the middle of a stressful workday and I come across as annoyed that she called me, which understandably hurts her?”
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