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Browse through and read hundreds of articles on the topic of marriage
Husbands and wives will find themselves in conflict with each other—that is undeniable. In fact, because the apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:28 that those who marry “will have trouble in this life,” we can also conclude that some conflict within marriage is by God’s design.
When a husband and wife find themselves on yet another out-of-control Crazy Cycle—where feeling unloved, she reacts without respect; and feeling disrespected, he reacts without love—how do they decide who is going to be the first to stop reacting unlovingly or disrespectfully?
You’ve probably heard the phrase “happy wife, happy life” before. Maybe it’s in the context of something simple, like choosing what restaurant to eat at or not leaving dirty clothes on the bathroom floor.
The idea of unconditional respect for the husband has always been the Love and Respect message’s unique feature, based on Ephesians 5:33. Many books stress Paul’s instruction for husbands to love their wives (“each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself . . .”), but few spend equal space if any at all, to the rest of the verse (“. . . and the wife must respect her husband”).
Many wives share disappointment that their husbands rarely talk to them at a deeper level. “Emerson, when we were dating, we used to talk long into the night getting to really know each other. What happened to him?”
In my book Love & Respect, I wrote, "I sometimes get the question, ‘You say women need love and men need respect. Isn’t the opposite just as true? Don’t gals need respect and guys need love?’ My answer is, of course, women need respect and guys need love" (page 47).
A wife who wrote to me recognized that her husband’s suggestion to do something in a different way was rooted in his goodwill. As a result, she sought to apply a respectful demeanor in response to his suggestion, which motivated him to be more loving. Great news, right?
Some folks say, “I will love you as long as I feel love for you,” or “I will respect you as long as I feel respect for you, and I certainly won’t respect you if you have not earned it." But we need to step back for a moment.
Two women in the Bible represent the desire to find a man who is a self-reliant provider. We read in Ruth 3:1: “One day Ruth's mother-in-law Naomi said to her, 'My daughter, I must find a home for you, where you will be well provided for.'” Although this narrative is centuries old and reflects traditional views of men as providers and women as those provided for, do such sentiments still exist today?
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