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There are certain phrases we have been programmed to understand in a specific way whenever we hear them. For example, if someone says to us, “We need to talk,” we know there is bad news to come and we get in defensive mode.
Is your normally happy-go-lucky husband suddenly more sulky and moody? Has your typically fully engaged and intimate husband for some mysterious reason become more distant and even physically absent?
Do you have a specific sports team that you are outright fanatic about? Suppose you are a passionate Yankees fan whose white bedroom walls have navy blue pinstripes on them and your living room coasters have pictures of Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, Derek Jeter, and other Yankees greats on them.
A couple attended the Love and Respect Marriage Conference recently, and several weeks later the wife wrote to me to share some of the reasons why they had attended, along with her frustrations for the lack of changes she had seen in him since the conference.
I have spoken often about the need to understand and appreciate God’s pink and blue design of women and men, respectively, because our differences undoubtedly go well beyond the biological.
FAQ: I am no longer in love with my husband. In fact, I don’t believe I ever loved him. Wouldn’t it be better for both of us if we get a divorce? Dr E says: Can I lovingly challenge you? You are hurting and are about to make a major and I believe a wrong decision. Pull back. I cannot justify a divorce based on your report here. We live in a culture where feelings determine everything. You may have fallen victim to this and now feel overwhelmed by what appears as total darkness and despair. We can learn to love again.
Occasionally someone will say to me, “Emerson, I’m contemplating your theory of love and respect…and I think you may be on to something.” I smile at this but I also clarify that this isn’t “my theory”…this is a command from the all-wise God in Ephesians 5:33, and this is why it is a message that resonates around the world. It’s not a message exclusive to Americans, or a certain age group, or ethnic group. The Love and Respect message is for men and women everywhere. We often hear incredible stories from people of all cultural backgrounds and from countries from around the world. The following testimony speaks to the power of this message that crosses all cultural barriers.We were living in a Muslim Country.
Have you heard comments like this from your wife? - Remember your son’s music recital this Thursday. Please do not miss this one like you did the last one. - My sister is coming for dinner tonight. Can you please act more interested than you usually do when she’s around? Ask her how she is feeling in her new relationship with Sam. - Call your mother this week and talk with her longer than you did the last time. She said you only chatted for about five minutes.
Are you like my wife Sarah and me? We prefer to live according to our selfish nature. I prefer to be unloving to motivate Sarah to show me respect. Sarah prefers to be disrespectful to motivate me to show her love. You know, unholy means to achieve holy ends. Do you try to live that way? How’s it workin’ for you? IT NEVER WORKS.
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