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Over the years, I have heard from many women who feel they have more of a right to speak harshly and disrespectfully to their husband than he does to speak unlovingly toward her.
A minor unannounced U-turn after church escalates into hours of tears and despair for one wife, revealing how everyday preferences quickly spiral into the Crazy Cycle of missing love and respect.
As a new believer in Christ at age sixteen, I recall one night going outside my home in Peoria, Illinois, and crying out to God to show Himself to me to confirm that what I believed about Him was true. “Just appear to me!” I begged of God.
Most of us long for a better marriage, and that longing is to be applauded. However, how might some go about improving the relationship?
When I went off to military school in eighth grade, where I stayed for the next five years, there was another cadet who entered eighth grade with me.
As I was growing up my mother used to say laughingly, “Relatives and friends come to our home as ‘The Last Resort!’” We had a swimming pool on the side of a hill overlooking a deep valley. A beautiful setting in which to swim, but not exactly a resort - only the last resort!Mom’s humorous meaning differed from others who used to come to my office for marital counseling. As they entered they would say, “Pastor, we have serious marriage problems. You are our last resort.”
What would you think if your husband said something like the following: “On a scale of 1–10, you have to be at least a 7 according to my standards before I will speak to you with a loving tone of voice. If you are a 6 or below, I will talk to you any way I like. If I sound a little rough or crude, get used to it.” What would you think if your wife said something like the following:
In part 1 of this series, I discussed the difference between carnal and healthy self-love, and why it is important for Christians to understand the significance of both. But what do we do about it? How do we develop a healthy self-love? Simply put: people view themselves as God views them. We do not listen to the accuser of the brethren condemning us about our shameful past, but instead we receive the forgiveness of Christ who loves us and died for us.
Much of today’s self-esteem teaching is centered around the love of the self, or rather the old self, fallen nature or the carnal person. Paul refers to this when he says, “...people will be lovers of self” (2 Timothy 3:2 ESV). This is the carnal self and it is not a good thing. This is why the Christian community has been scratching its head over the self-esteem teaching. Should there be self-love or should there not be self-love?
John is a student writing a paper on male and female communication. He emailed me saying, "I would be honored if you would please take a few, brief moments and answer three questions for me."Question #1: In your opinion, what communication breakdowns occur between males and females?
Part 1 showed us the value of focusing on the long term. Part 2 gave us the game plan. But what if a child’s behavior is not what it appears to be? Not What It Seems. The immediate disobedience of a child may not be what it appears, and the “obedience” of another child may not be what it seems.
In Part 1 of this series, we realized there are holy and unholy means to correcting a child’s behavior. As parents we must do what God called parents to do. For this, I use the acronym “G.U.I.D.E.S.” Let me explain. In football, the coaches develop a game plan. Even if they get behind by 21 points in the first quarter, quality teams stick to the game plan. There are three quarters left, and time and again we see football teams come from behind to win the game.
Should a parent focus on a child’s behavior? Absolutely, but not solely. A parent must keep his own actions in sight, not just the outcomes in his child. Those parents who see the two sides of the parenting coin – their own behavior and the behavior of their children – increase their chances of being more effective with the outcomes in their children.
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