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When Disappointed in Our Spouse, Do We Address Their Conduct or Attack Their Character?

When Disappointed in Our Spouse, Do We Address Their Conduct or Attack Their Character?

Husbands and wives are going to disagree . . . many times. They’re going to have arguments . . . many times. On top of that, husbands will disappoint wives, and wives will disappoint husbands, bringing reason for the offended or hurt spouse to broach a possibly sensitive or tough topic.

“My Response Is My Responsibility”—7 Fears and 7 Benefits

“My Response Is My Responsibility”—7 Fears and 7 Benefits

There is an axiom that I have used in my teachings for as long as I can remember that, to this day, I still fully believe in its simple but life-changing truth: “My response is my responsibility.”

According To Jesus, All We Need To Be Content Is Food, Covering, And One More Thing...

According To Jesus, All We Need To Be Content Is Food, Covering, And One More Thing...

When I was on staff at a church in the 1970s, we sought to serve widows and orphans. Though they were not all widows, we decided to lean into assisting single parents specifically.

Christian Life

When Frustrated, How Do You Come Across to Your Husband? 6 Questions to Ask Yourself

When Frustrated, How Do You Come Across to Your Husband? 6 Questions to Ask Yourself

Wives are driven to connect, to be understood, and to receive empathy, which is a wonderful characteristic of God’s beautiful pink design of them.

When Disappointed in Our Spouse, Do We Address Their Conduct or Attack Their Character?

“My Response Is My Responsibility”—7 Fears and 7 Benefits

According To Jesus, All We Need To Be Content Is Food, Covering, And One More Thing...

Christian Life

When Frustrated, How Do You Come Across to Your Husband? 6 Questions to Ask Yourself

Who Is He Married to Today—Wonder Woman or Cinderella?

Who Is He Married to Today—Wonder Woman or Cinderella?

Much has been written and discussed about the “Proverbs 31 woman.” This oracle taught by the king’s mother describes quite the strong woman. - She “works with willing hands” (v. 13).

He’s a Problem-Solver, She’s an Empathy-Giver—Neither Wrong, Just Different

He’s a Problem-Solver, She’s an Empathy-Giver—Neither Wrong, Just Different

Have you noticed that everyday problems and burdens cannot typically be shared, discussed, and dealt with between you and your spouse in the same way that you have handled similar situations all your life with your same-sex friends or siblings? For example, a wife comes to her husband with a problem she faces. His first instinct is to try and solve her problem, just as he would with another man who comes to him with a problem. He kicks into solution mode. Most men operate analytically. This is the way he helps his guy friends, who probably say something to him in response like, “I should have come to you weeks ago. Thanks.” They truly appreciate his recommended solution.

Why does the Crazy Cycle Happen? Speculation versus Facts

Why does the Crazy Cycle Happen? Speculation versus Facts

Why does the Crazy Cycle happen? Oftentimes, it is because either one or both marriage partners are letting speculation drive their responses instead of facts. I recall a commercial wherein a wife is informed that her husband is flirting with a woman at the jewelry store. The scene moves forward with the wife coming down the street toward the jewelry store with a rolling pin in hand and a growing crowd marching behind to watch her catch him red-handed. As she enters the store, she observes her smiling husband purchasing a diamond for her. The other female is the clerk behind the counter. This husband was innocent, but the warring wife did not have the facts. Sketchy or misconstrued information is dangerous.

Are You Not In Love with Your Husband or Have You Stopped Loving God?

Are You Not In Love with Your Husband or Have You Stopped Loving God?

There’s a stand-out moment in the Old Testament story of Job that almost definitely has caught the eye of every married person who has read it. In Job 2:9, Job’s wife tells him to “Curse God and die.” Curse God and die? What awful thing had Job done to her? Infidelity? Physical abuse? Verbal assault? No. None of these or anything else like it. Her condemning anger toward her husband was in response to all the horrific things that God had allowed Satan to do to their family—including loss of children, destruction of property, and excruciating boils covering her husband from head to toe.

Whatever Happened, You Can Still Move Forward as a Love and Respect Team

Whatever Happened, You Can Still Move Forward as a Love and Respect Team

Have you ever meditated on 1 Corinthians 7:11, which says, ". . . (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife"? What's the backstory to this verse? Paul does not mention adultery or abandonment in this text—the two traditional justifications for biblical divorce—so it is safe to infer that biblical grounds for divorce are not in play here. He simply says that the husband is not to divorce and the wife should not marry someone else in the event that she leaves her husband.

Can How We Were Nurtured Actually Mask Over Our Deep Felt Needs?

Can How We Were Nurtured Actually Mask Over Our Deep Felt Needs?

In my book Love & Respect, I conclude that wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Alternatively, their husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. However, I am always quick to point out that, though these conclusions have been based on years of research, studies, and polls with thousands of subjects, we must still view them as on a bell curve—there is certainly room for women to lean less on love and more on respect than other women do, and for men to place more importance on love than they do on respect.

Are You Mistaking a Crazy Cycle for a Crazy Train?

Are You Mistaking a Crazy Cycle for a Crazy Train?

The Crazy Cycle, as explained in my book Love & Respect, says, “Without love she reacts without respect. Without respect he reacts without love.” If neither husband nor wife is mature and calm enough to recognize this cycle and to step off in order to slow it down, it will only strengthen and keep on spinning. Unfortunately, many couples when in conflict do not recognize that they have stepped onto the Crazy Cycle and nothing begins to simmer down until one of them, typically the husband, storms off and withdraws from the fight, with the attitude to simply “live to fight another day.”

What Do I Do Now? When Being the Mature One Doesn't Seem to Help

What Do I Do Now? When Being the Mature One Doesn't Seem to Help

Oftentimes, a husband or wife recognizes where he or she has not been loving or respecting their spouse as they should and honestly seeks to be intentional about getting off the constant Crazy Cycle they feel they have been spinning on for a large part of their marriage. They make significant changes in their previously harsh and unloving tones and words, they pursue peace with their spouse at all times instead of seeking only their own will, and they learn how to better communicate to their spouse’s pink or blue “hearing aids.”