When Frustrated, How Do You Come Across to Your Husband? 6 Questions to Ask Yourself

A wife wrote to me: "To be honest, I have been pretty frustrated over the years, so my husband probably fears our conversations and discussions because he ends up being told how he has hurt me in the past. I need to work on sharing the things he has done right or is doing right, instead of focusing on my past hurt and confusion.”

I commend this wife for coming to this realization. First, for recognizing her tendency to become frustrated, especially with her husband; and second for being intuitive enough to notice how her frustrations have led to her husband becoming fearful and reluctant to have conversations with her, as well as how they have resulted in her overlooking his many positives.

But coming to such self-realizations does not come easily to most. So to help, consider the following questions to ask yourself and to answer humbly and honestly, no matter how difficult the answer may be:

• Do you share hurt feelings with your husband on a regular basis in order to connect with him but do not discern how he feels about your talks?
• Do you look to him to heal you but come across to him as though you are blaming him for wounding you?
• Do you view yourself as the standard of right and wrong? If so, how must this make your husband feel?
• From his point of view, might he feel that most conversations about your frustrations are focused mostly on his shortcomings and need for improvement?
• Do you ever tell him what he does that you feel is right and that you consider a blessing? If so, do you come across sounding more like his wife or his mommy?
• Do you ever ask him about his own needs, interests, and aims, without turning the conversation back around toward yourself?

Wives are driven to connect, to be understood, and to receive empathy, which is a wonderful characteristic of God’s beautiful pink design of them. But oftentimes many tend to overlook their patterns of voicing their ongoing frustrations and not realize how their husbands may be interpreting their attempts to connect and be understood.

After asking yourself these six questions, how do you believe you are coming across to your husband when you are frustrated?