The Crazy Cycle In Marriage - Study Guide (Download)
This is a digital study guide that goes with The Crazy Cycle In Marriage video course. This purchase is for single-use license - Order as many as you will need.
The Crazy Cycle In Marriage Study Guide
Digital Download
The Crazy Cycle in Marriage Workbook (download) completes the 4-part video-driven Bible study from Right Now Media (also available as a L&R course) and includes leader's guide notes, summaries and discussion questions for all four sessions, and information on how to get the most out of this video study.
Whether you're studying on your own or leading a group as a volunteer or a paid staff member, this downloadable material will help you and your group focus on the meaningful teaching in The Crazy Cycle in Marriage.
In order for every member of your group to get the most out of this series, everyone will need a copy of the workbook.
Read What Others Are Saying About The Crazy Cycle in Marriage!
"My husband and I ... were definitely on the crazy cycle. We didn't know it until recognizing it after your explanation. It was like a light bulb went off showing us what we were doing over and over again."
Wife
"My marriage is changed forever! I want to let men who are struggling know that they can change their marriage. If you apply these principles, they will make a difference, my marriage is living proof."
Husband
"We were constantly on the Crazy cycle...but I started to act on some of your suggestions. I was amazed at the changes in our marriage."
Couple
"I’m a pastor and was looking for a DVD series to use with couples in pastoral counseling. I feel thrilled that I was able to get the Crazy Cycle 4 session series [online] to help them."
Pastor
"Thank you for helping families to understand and be better. Also, thank you for helping us again to rely on God to help transform us!"
Wife
"Excellent videos. My husband and I have learned what causes us to get on the crazy cycle during conflict. That has been eye opening and an area for growth in our marriage. He is my ally, not my enemy."
Wife
"My husband and I ... were definitely on the crazy cycle. We didn't know it until recognizing it after your explanation. It was like a light bulb went off showing us what we were doing over and over again."
"My marriage is changed forever! I want to let men who are struggling know that they can change their marriage. If you apply these principles, they will make a difference, my marriage is living proof."
"We were constantly on the Crazy cycle...but I started to act on some of your suggestions. I was amazed at the changes in our marriage."
"I’m a pastor and was looking for a DVD series to use with couples in pastoral counseling. I feel thrilled that I was able to get the Crazy Cycle 4 session series [online] to help them."
"...I thank you SO much for helping us to understand the concepts of love and respect. While I did not have great role models growing up, I am committed to showing my husband and sons the respect that they deserve as the men in our home. I have seen the love for myself and my daughter come around in multiplied amounts, which has made our home so much happier all around. Thank you for helping families to understand and be better. Also, thank you for helping us again to rely on God to help transform us!"
"Excellent videos. My husband and I have learned what causes us to get on the crazy cycle during conflict. That has been eye opening and an area for growth in our marriage. He is my ally, not my enemy."
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
About Love & RespectProduct Quotes
Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?
It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.
Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.
You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.
[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.
His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.
Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.
A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.
We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.
Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.
the heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.
Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.
Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.
We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.
[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?
We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.
This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.
Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.
Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.
Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.
We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”
Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.
Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.
A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.
Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.
How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.
Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.
Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)
Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.
If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.
We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.
When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.
It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.
Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.
As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.
Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)
To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.
Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.
As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!
Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.
As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.
Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)
Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.
The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.
Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.
Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?
We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.
Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.
We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.
God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.
A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.
Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.
God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!
Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.
You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”
Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.
When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.
When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.
It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.
Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.
Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.
[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.
A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.
Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?
When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.
If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.
We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.
Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).
When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.
You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.
The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.
The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.
I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.