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Respectfully Yours

Session Overviews

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs delves into the realm of male-female communication, shedding light on the profound understanding that we are not inherently wrong, but rather beautifully distinct. Drawing from the truth that we are both made in the image of God, he emphasizes the notion of equality within our differences. God intentionally crafted men and women to be equal yet unique. Within the intricate tapestry of relationships, both genders yearn for love and respect. However, during times of conflict, Emerson reveals a crucial insight: men's deepest need is rooted in the desire for respect, while women's deepest need finds its foundation in the longing for love. By embracing this understanding, we can navigate the intricacies of communication and foster a deeper sense of connection and harmony in our relationships.

"The Crazy Cycle" is a profound concept introduced by Emerson Eggerichs that unveils a common pattern in relationships where love and respect are lacking. It illustrates the dynamic that when a woman feels unloved, she often responds without showing respect to her partner, and vice versa. This creates a continuous cycle of negative reactions that further perpetuates the conflict. In his teachings, Emerson provides valuable insights on understanding the dynamics of the Crazy Cycle—what it entails, how it arises, and, most importantly, how to break free from its destructive loop. He challenges individuals to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit, emphasizing its transformative power in halting the Crazy Cycle and fostering healthier interactions. By embracing this approach, couples can find a path towards resolving conflicts, building mutual respect, and nurturing a more loving and harmonious relationship.

At the core of our faith lies the understanding that God is a loving Father, whose commands are not intended to inflict harm upon us, but rather to guide and protect us. As a good and trustworthy God, His instructions are given with our best interests in mind. It is through this lens that we can approach His commandments, knowing that they are not burdensome impositions, but rather pathways to abundant life. In seeking a deeper revelation of God as our heavenly Father, we open ourselves up to a transformative understanding of His character and intentions towards us. As we come to know Him more intimately, we realize that His heart desires what is truly best for us. This revelation instills within us a deep trust, enabling us to surrender our worries and concerns, knowing that He will faithfully take care of us. With this newfound understanding and trust, we can embrace a life filled with hope, security, and the assurance that our heavenly Father is always working for our good.

When we place our faith in Jesus Christ, a remarkable transformation takes place within us. We are no longer defined by our past or our shortcomings, but rather we become a new creation, intimately connected to God's Kingdom. In this newfound identity, we discover that we are royalty, heirs to the promises and blessings of God. This realization goes beyond the assurance of eternal fellowship with God and the hope of entering heaven, although those are significant blessings in themselves. We also gain a new sense of identity, recognizing our inherent worth and value in the eyes of God.

With this understanding, we are empowered to embrace our true identity as women of dignity. As we recognize our worth to God, we can extend that same unconditional respect to our husbands. It is through this lens that we can honor and value our spouses, seeing them as fellow creations of God and treating them with the dignity and respect they deserve. This shift in perspective allows us to engage in relationships with a newfound grace and humility, fostering an atmosphere of love, respect, and mutual honor.

Getting in tune with our thoughts enables us to take them captive in obedience to Christ, renewing our minds as we focus on the Truth in God's Word. Through this intentional process, we learn how to maintain respect in the midst of unloving actions, dealing with negative thoughts that lead to negative feelings, and replacing them with the power of Scripture. As we immerse ourselves in God's Word, our minds are transformed, aligning our attitudes and actions with the character of Christ. This journey of renewing our minds leads to true freedom, breaking free from the chains of negativity and experiencing the profound liberation, peace, and joy that comes from aligning our thoughts with God's truth in Christ.

Showing respect to your husband is a simple yet powerful endeavor that can significantly impact your relationship. By being friendly, conscious of your facial expressions and tone of voice, and avoiding contempt, you can motivate and inspire your man. Embracing a positive, respectful approach not only changes the atmosphere in your home but also creates a harmonious and loving environment. Through practical examples and behaviors like active listening and affirming his efforts, you can demonstrate respect and make a tangible difference in your relationship. Remember, showing respect does not mean sacrificing your own needs or boundaries but rather recognizing the value and worth of your husband as an equal partner. By nurturing mutual respect and understanding, you can cultivate a relationship built on love and create a home filled with harmony and joy.

Respectfully Yours

Leader's Kit

The Secret to Power and Influence in Your Marriage!

Ephesians 5:33 holds a timeless truth that has been right in front of us for almost 2000 years: husbands are called to love their wives, while wives are called to respect their husbands. As women across the nation become acquainted with the Love and Respect message, they often seek guidance on understanding and practicing respect in their marriages. Respectfully Yours provides the answers they are looking for and so much more. Within its pages, we uncover the secret to cultivating power and influence in your marriage.

Transform Your Marriage with Respectfully Yours

This journey entails distinguishing Biblical respect from being a doormat, breaking free from negative thought patterns, embracing the transformative truth that differences don't mean being wrong, but simply being different, and learning practical yet impactful ways to apply respect in everyday interactions. By doing marriage God's way and following the principles outlined in Respectfully Yours, you can reap eternal rewards and experience a profound transformation in your relationship. Explore our Respectfully Yours Study Guide, available in a 10 Pack, along with the additional Leaders Guide for comprehensive support and guidance.

Get to know...

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

About Love & Respect
Portrait of Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Product Quotes

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Love & Respect

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Love & Respect

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The Love and Respect Experience

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The Love and Respect Experience

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The Love and Respect Experience

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The Love and Respect Experience

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Love & Respect

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The Love and Respect Experience

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Building Blocks

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Love & Respect Podcast

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The Love and Respect Experience

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Before You Hit Send

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The Love and Respect Experience

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Building Blocks

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Love & Respect

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Respectfully Yours

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

The Love and Respect Experience

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Building Blocks

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

The Love and Respect Experience

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Building Blocks

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Respectfully Yours

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Respectfully Yours

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

The Love and Respect Experience

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Love & Respect

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

The Love and Respect Experience

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The Love and Respect Experience

Your words reveal your heart.

The Love and Respect Experience

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Building Blocks

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

The Love and Respect Experience

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

The Love and Respect Experience

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Before You Hit Send

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Love & Respect

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Before You Hit Send

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Building Blocks

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Building Blocks

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

The Love and Respect Experience

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

The Love and Respect Experience

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Building Blocks

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Respectfully Yours

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Love & Respect

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Love & Respect

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Respectfully Yours

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Respectfully Yours

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

The Love and Respect Experience

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Building Blocks

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

The Love and Respect Experience

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The Love and Respect Experience

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Love & Respect

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Building Blocks

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Love & Respect Podcast

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Love & Respect

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Love & Respect Podcast

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Building Blocks

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Love & Respect in the Family

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Before You Hit Send

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Respectfully Yours

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

The Love and Respect Experience

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Building Blocks

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Respectfully Yours

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

The Language of Love & Respect Book

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Love & Respect Book

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Love & Respect Podcast

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Building Blocks

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

The Language of Love & Respect Book

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Love & Respect Book

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Building Blocks

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

The Love and Respect Experience

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Building Blocks

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Respectfully Yours
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