Love & Respect in the Family

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

God is good and wants what is best for us.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.