Love & Respect in the Family

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Your words reveal your heart.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We are equal but we are not the same.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.