Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.