Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Your words reveal your heart.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.