Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.