Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love
In book one you discovered your husband’s code word. That single truth motivates your husband to serve you and even die for you. In this book, you are ready to apply this discovery.
What You Will Learn
- Discover your husband's motivating code word and unleash its power.
- Decode and communicate your unique code to inspire your husband.
- Understand the true intentions behind your words and actions for effective motivation.
- Implement practical strategies to energize and strengthen your relationship.
- Explore transformative testimonies and real-life breakthroughs.
- Gain insights on navigating conflicts and fostering understanding.
- Harness the principles for extraordinary results in your marriage.
Motivating Your Man God's Way
Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love
Unveiling the Motivating Code
In book one, you made a groundbreaking discovery – your husband's code word. This profound revelation serves as a driving force, motivating your husband to serve you and even make sacrifices on your behalf. Now, as you delve into this next book, you are prepared to apply and harness the power of this discovery.
Empower Your Relationship
Dr. Eggerichs sheds light on the dynamics of communication between husbands and wives. He emphasizes that wives have their unique code, often unbeknownst to them, and they expect their husbands to decipher it. The key to motivating your husband lies in helping him understand the true intentions and messages behind your words and actions, essentially decoding your secret code. By seeking to comprehend your husband's code and implementing the principles outlined in this book, you can inspire him to better understand and respond to your own code. This process, when acted upon, will energize him to decode your messages and bring about extraordinary and amazing results.
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
About Love & RespectProduct Quotes
Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.
God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.
Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.
At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!
It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.
Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.
Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.
Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.
It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.
We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.
Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?
When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.
Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.
When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.
To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.
The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.
It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.
The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.
Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.
Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.
In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.
A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.
Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.
When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.
Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires
A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.
Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)
His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.
Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?
As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.
Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.
We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.
You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.
When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.
Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.
When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.
Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.
Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.
Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.
Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.
Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.
As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.
So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”
The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.
Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).
Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.
She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.
Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!
Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?
You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.
The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.
Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.
We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”
Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.
Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.
Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.
Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.
When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.
The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.
When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.
Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.
We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.
When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.
Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.
We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.
A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.
When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.
Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.
You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.
Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.
Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)
Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.
Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!
Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.
No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.
Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.
It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.
When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.
I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.
Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.
Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.