Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love
In book one you discovered your husband’s code word. That single truth motivates your husband to serve you and even die for you. In this book, you are ready to apply this discovery.
What You Will Learn
- Discover your husband's motivating code word and unleash its power.
- Decode and communicate your unique code to inspire your husband.
- Understand the true intentions behind your words and actions for effective motivation.
- Implement practical strategies to energize and strengthen your relationship.
- Explore transformative testimonies and real-life breakthroughs.
- Gain insights on navigating conflicts and fostering understanding.
- Harness the principles for extraordinary results in your marriage.
Unveiling the Motivating Code
In book one, you made a groundbreaking discovery – your husband's code word. This profound revelation serves as a driving force, motivating your husband to serve you and even make sacrifices on your behalf. Now, as you delve into this next book, you are prepared to apply and harness the power of this discovery.
Empower Your Relationship
Dr. Eggerichs sheds light on the dynamics of communication between husbands and wives. He emphasizes that wives have their unique code, often unbeknownst to them, and they expect their husbands to decipher it. The key to motivating your husband lies in helping him understand the true intentions and messages behind your words and actions, essentially decoding your secret code. By seeking to comprehend your husband's code and implementing the principles outlined in this book, you can inspire him to better understand and respond to your own code. This process, when acted upon, will energize him to decode your messages and bring about extraordinary and amazing results.
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.About Love & Respect
Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?
Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)
We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.
When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.
Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.
His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.
It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.
To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.
Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.
Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.
A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.
There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?
Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.
When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.
The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.
As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.
Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.
“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”
Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.
In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.
Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.
Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.
Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.
Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.
I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.
Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).
Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.
Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!
Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires
His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.
Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.
We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.
In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)
Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).
A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.
Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?
We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.
Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?
Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.
When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.
The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.
We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.
A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.
You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.
God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!
We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.
We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.
Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”
Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.
Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)
Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.
You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”
Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.
I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson
Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?
You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.
Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.
Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.
Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.
We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.
Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.
Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.
The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.
Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.
Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).
To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.
We are equal but we are not the same.
Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.
Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).
Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.
To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.
God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.
We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.
Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.
When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.
Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.
Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.
When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.
She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.
Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.
A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.
Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.
Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.
So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”
Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.
Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.
Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.
Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.
This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.
Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.
When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.