Motivating Your Man God’s Way: Applying One Word That Energizes Him to Love

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.