The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!