The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Your words reveal your heart.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.