The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Your words reveal your heart.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.