The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.