The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)