The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Your words reveal your heart.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

We are equal but we are not the same.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.