The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)