The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.