The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Your words reveal your heart.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.