The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.