The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

We are equal but we are not the same.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"