The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.