The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Your words reveal your heart.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!