Crazy Cycle CD

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.