Crazy Cycle CD

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your words reveal your heart.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)