Crazy Cycle CD

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your words reveal your heart.