Crazy Cycle CD

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your words reveal your heart.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We are equal but we are not the same.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.