Crazy Cycle CD

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.