Crazy Cycle CD

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”