Love & Respect Book

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We are equal but we are not the same.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Your words reveal your heart.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.