Amor Y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia (Descargar PDF)

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.