Amor Y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia (Descargar PDF)

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

God is good and wants what is best for us.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.