Amor Y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia (Descargar PDF)

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.