Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.