Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.