Amor y Respeto (Spanish Love & Respect Book)

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your words reveal your heart.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.