Cuaderno de Amor y Respeto

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson