Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Your words reveal your heart.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.