Amor y Respeto - Cuaderno De Trabajo: Videoconferencia

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We are equal but we are not the same.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

God is good and wants what is best for us.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.