Love and Respect Conference CDs

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The Love & Respect Conference

Unlock the secret to a thriving marriage

In Love & Respect, author Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the concept of the Crazy Cycle, a negative communication pattern that can occur in marriages. When one partner responds in a way that feels disrespectful to the other partner, it can trigger a negative reaction, causing the cycle to continue. Learn how to break the cycle and build a stronger relationship.

To break the Crazy Cycle, Dr. Eggerichs suggests that couples need to recognize and address the underlying needs for love and respect in both partners. By showing love and respect to one another, couples can create a positive cycle of interaction and strengthen their relationship. You will learn practical tips and exercises to cultivate this positive cycle.

Through the Crazy Cycle, Love & Respect offers valuable insights into the ways that negative communication patterns can impact a marriage. By understanding and addressing these patterns, couples can build a stronger and more loving relationship.

In Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs presents an alternative to the Crazy Cycle: the Energizing Cycle. This positive communication pattern starts with the wife showing respect to her husband, which makes him feel respected. In turn, the husband shows love to his wife, which makes her feel loved. This creates a positive feedback loop where both partners feel loved and respected.

By consistently showing appreciation, affection, and empathy, couples can cultivate the Energizing Cycle and build a strong and healthy relationship. Love and respect are two essential needs for both partners in a marriage, and meeting these needs can lead to greater intimacy, connection, and satisfaction in the relationship.

The Energizing Cycle offers a practical and effective way for couples to break negative communication patterns and build a more positive and fulfilling relationship. By intentionally showing love and respect to one another, couples can strengthen their bond and experience greater happiness and fulfillment in their marriage.

In Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the concept of the Rewarded Cycle, where the husband demonstrates love regardless of her respect and the wife demonstrates respect regardless of his love.

But what if your husband doesn't show you love when you show him respect? What if your wife doesn't show you respect as you show her love? If you get no results from practicing Love & Respect, why bother?

The Rewarded Cycle gives you the answers to these questions. In a real sense, the Rewarded Cycle is the most important session in this course as we are called to love and respect are spouse unconditionally, unto the Lord.

The C.O.U.P.L.E. acronym stands for Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. This is how a husband shows love to his wife.

Each element of the C.O.U.P.L.E. acronym represents a key aspect of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. By working to develop these qualities in their marriage, couples can build a stronger and more loving relationship.

In these six areas you will learn how to spell "love" to your wife.

The C.H.A.I.R.S. acronym presented in this course gives you practical, biblical ways that will help you become more respectful women. Wives do not need a lot of coaching on being loving. It is something God built into them, and they do it naturally. However, they do need help with respect.

Providing more energy for your marriage is exactly what the C.H.A.I.R.S. acronym is all about. C.H.A.I.R.S stands for the six major values that your husband holds: Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality.

In these six area you will learn how to spell "respect" to your husband.

The Love & Respect Conference

CDs

The Conference CDs

Excited yet burdened about male and female relationships, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife Sarah launched the Love & Respect Conferences in 1999. Based on over three decades of counseling as well as scientific and biblical research, this conference has given hope and new life to thousands of marriages over the last 17 years! It is a great resource for your personal or counseling library. Recorded in front of a live audience this presentation is perfect for individuals, couples and small groups.

In the extensive 6+ hours of content, participants will have the opportunity to explore and find answers to three significant questions that often arise in the context of marriage:

  1. Why do we find ourselves negatively reacting to each other within the confines of marriage? This fundamental question will be thoroughly addressed through an exploration of the dynamic known as the Crazy Cycle.
  2. How can we effectively motivate our spouse and foster a positive connection? The Energizing Cycle offers valuable guidance and strategies to tackle this question.
  3. What can be done when our efforts to connect with our spouse do not yield the desired response? The Rewarded Cycle offers insights and actionable steps to navigate such situations.
Get to know...

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

About Love & Respect
Portrait of Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Product Quotes

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

The Love and Respect Experience

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

The Love and Respect Experience

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Love & Respect in the Family

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Love & Respect

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Building Blocks

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Love & Respect in the Family

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Respectfully Yours

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Building Blocks

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Respectfully Yours

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Before You Hit Send

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Before You Hit Send

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

The Love and Respect Experience

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Love & Respect Podcast

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Love & Respect

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The Love and Respect Experience

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

The Love and Respect Experience

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect Experience

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

The Language of Love & Respect

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The Love and Respect Experience

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Love & Respect

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Building Blocks

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Love & Respect

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Before You Hit Send

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Building Blocks

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

The Love and Respect Experience

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Love & Respect Podcast

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Love & Respect

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Building Blocks

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The Love and Respect Experience

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

The Love and Respect Experience

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Respectfully Yours

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

The Language of Love & Respect Book

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Love & Respect

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

The Love and Respect Experience

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Love & Respect

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Before You Hit Send

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Love & Respect Podcast

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Love & Respect

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

The Love and Respect Experience

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The Love and Respect Experience

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The Language of Love & Respect

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The Language of Love & Respect

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Respectfully Yours

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Love & Respect Book

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

The Love and Respect Experience

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Love & Respect

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Before You Hit Send

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Building Blocks

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Respectfully Yours

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Love & Respect in the Family

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The Love and Respect Experience

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Before You Hit Send

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Love & Respect in the Family

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

The Love and Respect Experience

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

The Love and Respect Experience

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The Language of Love & Respect Book

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Love & Respect

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Respectfully Yours

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The Love and Respect Experience

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

The Love and Respect Experience

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Building Blocks

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Building Blocks

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

The Language of Love & Respect Book

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Building Blocks

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Building Blocks

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Love & Respect

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Respectfully Yours

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

The Language of Love & Respect
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