Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

the heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Your words reveal your heart.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.