Love and Respect Wife + Logo Mug

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Your words reveal your heart.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.