Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.