Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

We are equal but we are not the same.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.