Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

God is good and wants what is best for us.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.