Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.