Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Your words reveal your heart.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.