Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.