Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.