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Respectfully Yours

Session Overviews

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs delves into the realm of male-female communication, shedding light on the profound understanding that we are not inherently wrong, but rather beautifully distinct. Drawing from the truth that we are both made in the image of God, he emphasizes the notion of equality within our differences. God intentionally crafted men and women to be equal yet unique. Within the intricate tapestry of relationships, both genders yearn for love and respect. However, during times of conflict, Emerson reveals a crucial insight: men's deepest need is rooted in the desire for respect, while women's deepest need finds its foundation in the longing for love. By embracing this understanding, we can navigate the intricacies of communication and foster a deeper sense of connection and harmony in our relationships.

"The Crazy Cycle" is a profound concept introduced by Emerson Eggerichs that unveils a common pattern in relationships where love and respect are lacking. It illustrates the dynamic that when a woman feels unloved, she often responds without showing respect to her partner, and vice versa. This creates a continuous cycle of negative reactions that further perpetuates the conflict. In his teachings, Emerson provides valuable insights on understanding the dynamics of the Crazy Cycle—what it entails, how it arises, and, most importantly, how to break free from its destructive loop. He challenges individuals to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit, emphasizing its transformative power in halting the Crazy Cycle and fostering healthier interactions. By embracing this approach, couples can find a path towards resolving conflicts, building mutual respect, and nurturing a more loving and harmonious relationship.

At the core of our faith lies the understanding that God is a loving Father, whose commands are not intended to inflict harm upon us, but rather to guide and protect us. As a good and trustworthy God, His instructions are given with our best interests in mind. It is through this lens that we can approach His commandments, knowing that they are not burdensome impositions, but rather pathways to abundant life. In seeking a deeper revelation of God as our heavenly Father, we open ourselves up to a transformative understanding of His character and intentions towards us. As we come to know Him more intimately, we realize that His heart desires what is truly best for us. This revelation instills within us a deep trust, enabling us to surrender our worries and concerns, knowing that He will faithfully take care of us. With this newfound understanding and trust, we can embrace a life filled with hope, security, and the assurance that our heavenly Father is always working for our good.

When we place our faith in Jesus Christ, a remarkable transformation takes place within us. We are no longer defined by our past or our shortcomings, but rather we become a new creation, intimately connected to God's Kingdom. In this newfound identity, we discover that we are royalty, heirs to the promises and blessings of God. This realization goes beyond the assurance of eternal fellowship with God and the hope of entering heaven, although those are significant blessings in themselves. We also gain a new sense of identity, recognizing our inherent worth and value in the eyes of God.

With this understanding, we are empowered to embrace our true identity as women of dignity. As we recognize our worth to God, we can extend that same unconditional respect to our husbands. It is through this lens that we can honor and value our spouses, seeing them as fellow creations of God and treating them with the dignity and respect they deserve. This shift in perspective allows us to engage in relationships with a newfound grace and humility, fostering an atmosphere of love, respect, and mutual honor.

Getting in tune with our thoughts enables us to take them captive in obedience to Christ, renewing our minds as we focus on the Truth in God's Word. Through this intentional process, we learn how to maintain respect in the midst of unloving actions, dealing with negative thoughts that lead to negative feelings, and replacing them with the power of Scripture. As we immerse ourselves in God's Word, our minds are transformed, aligning our attitudes and actions with the character of Christ. This journey of renewing our minds leads to true freedom, breaking free from the chains of negativity and experiencing the profound liberation, peace, and joy that comes from aligning our thoughts with God's truth in Christ.

Showing respect to your husband is a simple yet powerful endeavor that can significantly impact your relationship. By being friendly, conscious of your facial expressions and tone of voice, and avoiding contempt, you can motivate and inspire your man. Embracing a positive, respectful approach not only changes the atmosphere in your home but also creates a harmonious and loving environment. Through practical examples and behaviors like active listening and affirming his efforts, you can demonstrate respect and make a tangible difference in your relationship. Remember, showing respect does not mean sacrificing your own needs or boundaries but rather recognizing the value and worth of your husband as an equal partner. By nurturing mutual respect and understanding, you can cultivate a relationship built on love and create a home filled with harmony and joy.

Respectfully Yours Study Guide

10 Pack

The Secret to Power and Influence in Your Marriage!

Ephesians 5:33 holds a timeless truth that has been right in front of us for almost 2000 years: husbands are called to love their wives, while wives are called to respect their husbands. As women across the nation become acquainted with the Love and Respect message, they often seek guidance on understanding and practicing respect in their marriages. Respectfully Yours provides the answers they are looking for and so much more. Within its pages, we uncover the secret to cultivating power and influence in your marriage.

Transform Your Marriage with Respectfully Yours

This journey entails distinguishing Biblical respect from being a doormat, breaking free from negative thought patterns, embracing the transformative truth that differences don't mean being wrong, but simply being different, and learning practical yet impactful ways to apply respect in everyday interactions. By doing marriage God's way and following the principles outlined in Respectfully Yours, you can reap eternal rewards and experience a profound transformation in your relationship. Explore our Respectfully Yours Study Guide, available in a 10 Pack, along with the additional Leaders Guide for comprehensive support and guidance.

Get to know...

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

About Love & Respect
Portrait of Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Product Quotes

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Love & Respect Book

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

The Love and Respect Experience

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Love & Respect

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Love & Respect Podcast

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Love & Respect

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The Love and Respect Experience

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect Experience

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The Love and Respect Experience

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Love & Respect Boook

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Building Blocks

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

The Language of Love & Respect

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Building Blocks

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Building Blocks

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Respectfully Yours

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Love & Respect

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Building Blocks

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

The Love and Respect Experience

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Respectfully Yours

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

The Love and Respect Experience

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Building Blocks

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

The Love and Respect Experience

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Building Blocks

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Building Blocks

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect Experience

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Building Blocks

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The Language of Love & Respect

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Respectfully Yours

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

The Love and Respect Experience

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Building Blocks

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Love & Respect Podcast

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Love & Respect Podcast

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Before You Hit Send

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Building Blocks

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Building Blocks

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

The Love and Respect Experience

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

The Love and Respect Experience

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Before You Hit Send

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Before You Hit Send

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

The Love and Respect Experience

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Love & Respect

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Love & Respect

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Respectfully Yours

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

The Love and Respect Experience

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Love & Respect

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Love & Respect Podcast

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The Love and Respect Experience

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Building Blocks

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Respectfully Yours

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Respectfully Yours

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Before You Hit Send

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Before You Hit Send

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Love & Respect in the Family

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Building Blocks

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Love & Respect Podcast

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

The Love and Respect Experience

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Before You Hit Send

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Love & Respect

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Respectfully Yours

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Love & Respect

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Love & Respect

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Love & Respect

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Before You Hit Send

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Love & Respect in the Family

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

The Love and Respect Experience

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Before You Hit Send

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The Love and Respect Experience

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The Love and Respect Experience

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Respectfully Yours

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Love & Respect

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Love & Respect

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Building Blocks

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The Language of Love & Respect Book
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