Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Your words reveal your heart.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.