Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Your words reveal your heart.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.