Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.