Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)
The Secret to Power and Influence in Your Marriage! This study guide is designed to be used with the Respectfully Yours DVD Study for Women by Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs.
Inside the Guide
- 8 sessions of in-depth written content and scriptures to help women learn about the biblical principle of respect.
- Group discussion questions to go with each session.
- 8 sessions of interactive questions and applications to personally apply the life-changing principles.
- Space for note taking and journaling prayers and praise reports as you grow in your walk with God.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs delves into the realm of male-female communication, shedding light on the profound understanding that we are not inherently wrong, but rather beautifully distinct. Drawing from the truth that we are both made in the image of God, he emphasizes the notion of equality within our differences. God intentionally crafted men and women to be equal yet unique. Within the intricate tapestry of relationships, both genders yearn for love and respect. However, during times of conflict, Emerson reveals a crucial insight: men's deepest need is rooted in the desire for respect, while women's deepest need finds its foundation in the longing for love. By embracing this understanding, we can navigate the intricacies of communication and foster a deeper sense of connection and harmony in our relationships.
"The Crazy Cycle" is a profound concept introduced by Emerson Eggerichs that unveils a common pattern in relationships where love and respect are lacking. It illustrates the dynamic that when a woman feels unloved, she often responds without showing respect to her partner, and vice versa. This creates a continuous cycle of negative reactions that further perpetuates the conflict. In his teachings, Emerson provides valuable insights on understanding the dynamics of the Crazy Cycle—what it entails, how it arises, and, most importantly, how to break free from its destructive loop. He challenges individuals to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit, emphasizing its transformative power in halting the Crazy Cycle and fostering healthier interactions. By embracing this approach, couples can find a path towards resolving conflicts, building mutual respect, and nurturing a more loving and harmonious relationship.
At the core of our faith lies the understanding that God is a loving Father, whose commands are not intended to inflict harm upon us, but rather to guide and protect us. As a good and trustworthy God, His instructions are given with our best interests in mind. It is through this lens that we can approach His commandments, knowing that they are not burdensome impositions, but rather pathways to abundant life. In seeking a deeper revelation of God as our heavenly Father, we open ourselves up to a transformative understanding of His character and intentions towards us. As we come to know Him more intimately, we realize that His heart desires what is truly best for us. This revelation instills within us a deep trust, enabling us to surrender our worries and concerns, knowing that He will faithfully take care of us. With this newfound understanding and trust, we can embrace a life filled with hope, security, and the assurance that our heavenly Father is always working for our good.
When we place our faith in Jesus Christ, a remarkable transformation takes place within us. We are no longer defined by our past or our shortcomings, but rather we become a new creation, intimately connected to God's Kingdom. In this newfound identity, we discover that we are royalty, heirs to the promises and blessings of God. This realization goes beyond the assurance of eternal fellowship with God and the hope of entering heaven, although those are significant blessings in themselves. We also gain a new sense of identity, recognizing our inherent worth and value in the eyes of God.
With this understanding, we are empowered to embrace our true identity as women of dignity. As we recognize our worth to God, we can extend that same unconditional respect to our husbands. It is through this lens that we can honor and value our spouses, seeing them as fellow creations of God and treating them with the dignity and respect they deserve. This shift in perspective allows us to engage in relationships with a newfound grace and humility, fostering an atmosphere of love, respect, and mutual honor.
Getting in tune with our thoughts enables us to take them captive in obedience to Christ, renewing our minds as we focus on the Truth in God's Word. Through this intentional process, we learn how to maintain respect in the midst of unloving actions, dealing with negative thoughts that lead to negative feelings, and replacing them with the power of Scripture. As we immerse ourselves in God's Word, our minds are transformed, aligning our attitudes and actions with the character of Christ. This journey of renewing our minds leads to true freedom, breaking free from the chains of negativity and experiencing the profound liberation, peace, and joy that comes from aligning our thoughts with God's truth in Christ.
Showing respect to your husband is a simple yet powerful endeavor that can significantly impact your relationship. By being friendly, conscious of your facial expressions and tone of voice, and avoiding contempt, you can motivate and inspire your man. Embracing a positive, respectful approach not only changes the atmosphere in your home but also creates a harmonious and loving environment. Through practical examples and behaviors like active listening and affirming his efforts, you can demonstrate respect and make a tangible difference in your relationship. Remember, showing respect does not mean sacrificing your own needs or boundaries but rather recognizing the value and worth of your husband as an equal partner. By nurturing mutual respect and understanding, you can cultivate a relationship built on love and create a home filled with harmony and joy.
The Secret to Power and Influence in Your Marriage!
Ephesians 5:33 holds a timeless truth that has been right in front of us for almost 2000 years: husbands are called to love their wives, while wives are called to respect their husbands. As women across the nation become acquainted with the Love and Respect message, they often seek guidance on understanding and practicing respect in their marriages. Respectfully Yours provides the answers they are looking for and so much more. Within its pages, we uncover the secret to cultivating power and influence in your marriage.
Transform Your Marriage with Respectfully Yours
This journey entails distinguishing Biblical respect from being a doormat, breaking free from negative thought patterns, embracing the transformative truth that differences don't mean being wrong, but simply being different, and learning practical yet impactful ways to apply respect in everyday interactions. By doing marriage God's way and following the principles outlined in Respectfully Yours, you can reap eternal rewards and experience a profound transformation in your relationship. Explore our Respectfully Yours Study Guide, available in a 10 Pack, along with the additional Leaders Guide for comprehensive support and guidance.
Read What Others Are Saying About Respectfully Yours!
I have been elevated to a place in my home that I used to fight for... not a doormat, but a welcome mat to the power of God in my marriage!
This study is excellent. Five reasons why I would recommended it to other ladies.1. Scripturally sound. 2. Helps improve our relationship with God. 3. Looks at marriage from a different perspective. 4. Brings life, vision, encouragement and solutions. 5. If I had taken this course many years ago, I would not have been involved in a divorce.
Personally, God has laid on my heart to do what I can to attract every woman in our church to accept the invitation to attend Respectfully Yours.
Why Hasn't Anyone told me this before?
...It was clear after a few classes that I had a crisis in faith not a crisis in my marriage.
I learned that this teaching didn’t feed his ego, but actually humbled him and caused him to want to connect and talk.
This freed me to realize I was meeting a need that he had equal to my need for love.
Respectfully Yours was exceedingly helpful for me in my marriage! Understanding ‘the crazy cycle’ has made a huge difference for both me and my husband. I highly recommend the study for its practical use and application.
This Respectfully Yours Kit has helped fine tune more of what women need to know when it comes to staying the course with a disobedient husband...I am forever changed and am praising God for this change.
The Respectfully Yours study was amazing! I am so thankful for the teaching and YES it has helped me!
I think Respectfully Yours is the BEST study a married woman can take! Being in marriage ministry, I have read and studied many books, but Respectfully Yours is the most powerful in truly transforming a marriage.
My marriage is in the process of being restored with every act of respect I perform. I am now able to lead the way in my relationship with a man I had lost all respect for.
You have empowered me to do better to follow God’s desire for my marriage. You have also given me a new hope and encouragement. It has been a blessed time for me, Thank you.
I am a newlywed and I feel now that I am well-equipped to love my husband better through respect.
Thank you for the shoulder to shoulder suggestion. I am going to take up golf with the clubs my husband bought for me 10 years ago. You are a blessing!
You’ve given me the tools to have confidence and through Christ all things are possible. I can take that home and be respectful toward my mother and to lay the foundation so that someday my mom will also know Christ.
I came reluctant to give my husband the respect that I know I am biblically commanded to do. Praise God…I learned some valuable insights and tools to turn that around. And, I know that I am not alone!
I am newly married and this is what I needed to hear to help my groom and me make some early course corrections (especially me!).
My prayer is for every woman young and old to put their hope and trust in the Lord and do this study and experience the power of God in her life and marriage. God bless every one of you at Love and Respect and every study group leader as you spread the message.
The ladies are challenged and have been responding. I am excited to continue on and see what God is going to do in the hearts and marriages of these ladies! Thank You.
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.About Love & Respect
Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.
Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.
We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”
Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.
You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!
Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.
Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.
I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?
If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.
We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.
You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.
The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.
We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.
Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.
Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.
We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.
Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.
To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.
You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.
Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.
Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)
Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?
If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.
His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.
In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.
When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.
Your words reveal your heart.
We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.
Before hitting send, ask yourself, Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?
A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.
It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.
Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.
Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.
When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.
As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.
Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.
Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.
You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.
Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.
Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)
We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.
When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.
As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.
When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?
Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.
When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)
Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.
As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.
When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.
Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires
Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).
Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.
Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).
God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?
Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.
[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”
Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.
As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.
One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.
[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.
There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.
Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.
His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.
You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”
As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!
We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.
No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.
When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.
Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.
Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.
When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.
God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.
A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.
Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.
Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.
When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.
To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.
When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.
It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.
The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.
Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?
If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.
[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.
At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!
A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.
It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.
With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.
If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.
Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.
When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.
Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
We are equal but we are not the same.
You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.
When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.