Respectfully Yours - Study Guide (10 pack)

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.