Love and Respect Husband and Wife + Logo Mug Set

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?