Love and Respect Husband and Wife + Logo Mug Set

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We are equal but we are not the same.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)