Love and Respect Husband and Wife + Logo Mug Set

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

We are equal but we are not the same.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.