Love and Respect Husband and Wife + Logo Mug Set

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Your words reveal your heart.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.