Love and Respect Husband and Wife + Logo Mug Set

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.