Love and Respect Husband and Wife + Logo Mug Set

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

We are equal but we are not the same.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)