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Love & Respect Conference and 10 Week Study Workbook (10 Pack)
You will receive: 10 Workbooks (or however many sets of 10 you choose when adding to cart). This is the comprehensive workbook to the new Love & Respect Conference DVDs and 10 Week study. This workbook can facilitate individual, couple or group study and includes a small LEADER’S GUIDE section. It can be used to just watch the live conference portion of the DVDs, using the fill-in-the-blank in session guide only, but the best option is to combine this with a more in-depth study using the discussion questions for each session, the application portion, the mid-week devotional time and more! The good news is you get both in this workbook.
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Love & Respect Conference Sessions
- The Crazy Cycle: Part 1 (49:50)
- The Crazy Cycle: Part 2 (33:23)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.O.U.P.L.E.): Part 1 (41:51)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.O.U.P.L.E.): Part 2 (49:53)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.H.A.I.R.S.): Part 1 (49:31)
- The Energizing Cycle (C.H.A.I.R.S.): Part 2 (41:31)
- Sarah’s Practical Application: Part 1 (33:07)
- Sarah’s Practical Application: Part 2 (43:09)
- The Rewarded Cycle: Part 1 (36:21)
- The Rewarded Cycle: Part 2 (35:13)
The Love & Respect Conference Workbook
Unlock the secret to a thriving marriage
In Love & Respect, author Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the concept of the Crazy Cycle, a negative communication pattern that can occur in marriages. When one partner responds in a way that feels disrespectful to the other partner, it can trigger a negative reaction, causing the cycle to continue. Learn how to break the cycle and build a stronger relationship.
To break the Crazy Cycle, Dr. Eggerichs suggests that couples need to recognize and address the underlying needs for love and respect in both partners. By showing love and respect to one another, couples can create a positive cycle of interaction and strengthen their relationship. You will learn practical tips and exercises to cultivate this positive cycle.
Through the Crazy Cycle, Love & Respect offers valuable insights into the ways that negative communication patterns can impact a marriage. By understanding and addressing these patterns, couples can build a stronger and more loving relationship.
In Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs presents an alternative to the Crazy Cycle: the Energizing Cycle. This positive communication pattern starts with the wife showing respect to her husband, which makes him feel respected. In turn, the husband shows love to his wife, which makes her feel loved. This creates a positive feedback loop where both partners feel loved and respected.
By consistently showing appreciation, affection, and empathy, couples can cultivate the Energizing Cycle and build a strong and healthy relationship. Love and respect are two essential needs for both partners in a marriage, and meeting these needs can lead to greater intimacy, connection, and satisfaction in the relationship.
The Energizing Cycle offers a practical and effective way for couples to break negative communication patterns and build a more positive and fulfilling relationship. By intentionally showing love and respect to one another, couples can strengthen their bond and experience greater happiness and fulfillment in their marriage.
In Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the concept of the Rewarded Cycle, where the husband demonstrates love regardless of her respect and the wife demonstrates respect regardless of his love.
But what if your husband doesn't show you love when you show him respect? What if your wife doesn't show you respect as you show her love? If you get no results from practicing Love & Respect, why bother?
The Rewarded Cycle gives you the answers to these questions. In a real sense, the Rewarded Cycle is the most important session in this course as we are called to love and respect are spouse unconditionally, unto the Lord.
The C.O.U.P.L.E. acronym stands for Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. This is how a husband shows love to his wife.
Each element of the C.O.U.P.L.E. acronym represents a key aspect of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. By working to develop these qualities in their marriage, couples can build a stronger and more loving relationship.
In these six areas you will learn how to spell "love" to your wife.
The C.H.A.I.R.S. acronym presented in this course gives you practical, biblical ways that will help you become more respectful women. Wives do not need a lot of coaching on being loving. It is something God built into them, and they do it naturally. However, they do need help with respect.
Providing more energy for your marriage is exactly what the C.H.A.I.R.S. acronym is all about. C.H.A.I.R.S stands for the six major values that your husband holds: Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality.
In these six area you will learn how to spell "respect" to your husband.
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The Workbook
This is the comprehensive workbook to the new Love & Respect Conference DVDs and 10 Week study. This workbook can facilitate individual, couple or group study and includes a LEADER’S GUIDE section. It can be used to just watch the live conference portion of the DVDs, using the fill-in-the-blank in-session guide only, but the best option is to combine this with a more in-depth study using the discussion questions for each session, the application portion, the mid-week devotional time and more! The good news is you get both in this workbook.
More About the Conference DVDS and Study
Excited yet burdened about male and female relationships, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife Sarah launched the Love & Respect Conferences in 1999. Based on over three decades of counseling as well as scientific and biblical research, this conference has given hope and new life to thousands of marriages over the last 17 years and is now available in HD on DVD for the first time, with over 6 hours of dynamic teaching on five discs! It is a great resource for your personal or counseling library. Filmed in front of a live audience this presentation is perfect for individuals, couples and small groups.
Discover Why Over 3 Million Couples, Churches, and Small Groups Trust Love & Respect!
"Well a miracle happened! I read the Love and Respect book entirely last week...As we went thru the (Love and Respect) DVDs I could feel a gentle release of the pain that gripped our marriage for 22 years. Rather than a “light-bulb” moment, it’s been more of a dimmer switch getting brighter with the hope we’ll be OK now that we have some tools for an even better marriage. A softening has occurred…We are already teaching the kids some of the principles and have decided to re-watch the DVDs with the kids. We believe this can help them from many of the pitfalls we fell for and we can all “practice” Love and Respect on each other…I realize these principles were in the Bible all along; however we missed it!... You have a way of delivering the message in such spot on accuracy wrapped in humor, so we can swallow it better. Makes me think you’re the “Mary Poppins of Marriage" with your “spoonful of humor to make the painful truth go down!”"
"My husband and I attended your Love and Respect conference...it was AWESOME! (We have) witnessed miracles… (Later) we decided we were at a place where we wanted to help others with the help we had received. Our first and only choice on what topic we should lead was Love and Respect!! It was a no brainer!! This concept had played a pivotal role in changing the tide in our marriage from divorce to reconciliation. We have since led the Love and Respect small group 8 times (around 100 couples)…We have an intense desire to help marriages, and we believe if two stubborn, selfish people like us could let God change our hearts, well anyone can!! Your ministry helped save our marriage! If it was not for your book we would be unhappy, bitter, divorced parents continuing a legacy of divorce and a broken family to our beautiful children. We were so happy we had the opportunity to come to a live conference."
"I had been praying for a miracle in my marriage…a big one...but felt all hope was lost. I began to make plans on picking up the pieces alone. Then we attended the Love and Respect conference. (My husband) slept in the car on the way to the meeting and I thought "I wasted $50 we don't have.” (But) something happened when you got up and started speaking. My husband woke up. When we left…he apologized for not being a good husband and wants to make things better. I apologized to him for my attitudes. Things are starting to turn around. Thank you and please keep us in your prayers."
"After 13 years I can finally say our marriage is truly like a dream. It is unbelievable how tender and fun and honest and caring and loving and joyful and playful and kind and intimate and generous and forgiving and sincere and giving and wonderful our marriage is. It is a MIRACLE. And only with God’s guidance in His Word and from your Love and Respect series has this been possible."
"My husband and I attended the Love and Respect Conference. We have been married for 31 years; committed, but not always happy. As we chaotically plunged through our 40's, we created a lot of devastation in our relationship. For some years, my husband did not say "I love you."... He refused to talk about anything of significance. Emotionally, he had shut down and consequently, did not try to connect with me in any way. For a long time, I chafed under this treatment…This is how we were when we came to the conference. I was actually afraid that he would be more annoyed than anything else. BUT...As a wonderful, undeserved gift from the Father who so incredibly bestows good things on his children, God opened my husband's heart… he became a changed man. A man who loves me, adores me, apologizes to me quickly…and talks to me all the time. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Thank you for being willing to share the message of love and respect across our nation. I am forever grateful."
"I am one of five kids, and since I can remember my parents have constantly been fighting and bitter towards each other…It was finally to the breaking point…We no longer cared what happened, as long as the fighting and the yelling and the hatred and the bitterness stopped. I have spared you the details, but to kids growing up in a home like that, it was hell…About a year ago, after going to countless seminars, numerous marriage counselors, and who knows how many books, they discovered the Love & Respect series. To the rest of us it was just another stab in the dark and the seemingly obvious expectation of a divorce was still there. When my parents did a complete 180-degree turn around, it was very difficult not to be still in denial and hurt and expect it not to last too long. It was definitely something I would call, without any doubt, a miracle. Something that would have been impossible had it not been for God's grace and compassion. When they went from twenty-two years of hating each other, to holding hands, going out on dates and cuddling overnight, I could not believe it. They are now a very happy couple and plan on re-doing their wedding vows for their twenty-fifth anniversary. It saved our family (and) it saved our lives."
"We watched the videos of your conference...I cry as I write this, because it was almost immediately that our marriage began to be restored…(my husband) said he could not stand to be away from his family any longer and he asked the kids and I to be with him. What makes this a miracle was that we didn’t go back into the same broken marriage, but instead into one that was healed. The way that we treated each other was completely different. The understanding that we had for each other was completely different. I cannot thank you enough for what one book and one video did…We now try to help other relationships around us and even recommend your book to others. We simply spread the same message that you shared with us. We have watched as it has helped others around us. Our hearts are with those relationships that seem impossible to mend…(we want to share) that people can and DO change. We are 100% proof of that… We know that this miracle came from God through your message. Thank you so very much for sharing this message with us. You saved our family."
“LOTS to tell you about our journey – really a miracle. But let me give you one short example. Yesterday we were going to meet our son for brunch. We decided what time we would leave (I am a time guy – guess it goes with my job). At one minute before we were supposed to leave, she said, “I will be right there – go on to the car.” 10 minutes (which to me seemed like 10 hours) went by. She came out and got in the car – and let me add it is not unusual for this scenario to happen – and she normally would say, “You are just such a control freak where time is concerned. Don’t even start with me.” Yesterday she got in the car (and I had already decided to be loving – as if Jesus was getting in the car late - which He would never do!). She looked at me and said, “It was horribly disrespectful of me to be late. I am so very sorry. I should have gotten ready and then sorted the laundry. Will you forgive me?” I almost drove off into the grass. So…God is really working – in both of us. Probably no way to ever thank you. Ever. I am telling everyone about the DVD series and trying to get our pastor to show it at church on Sunday mornings.”
"I went to church and prayed and prayed for reconciliation. My ex-husband... confessed about a year ago that he wanted to try again. My heart soared with emotion! Glory to God! Could this be true? I thought it was done and over, but God had other ideas. The “story of us” was far from over. The past few months have been heavenly, and I owe it all to Christ’s message and your delivery of that message…I had attempted to try marriage counseling or retreats with (my husband) before, but they were always under a cloud of problems and heartache. This was different…Instead of moving in two different directions, we were moving as one. After purchasing the book, we attended the conference together and I was over the moon that he wanted to go…and it was life changing for us. We held hands at the “ceremony” at the end of the conference and prayed…These are the miracles that God performs. It is all in God’s timing."
"After I heard the Love and Respect message I bought the CDs and sent it to (my husband)…I asked him if he would listen to this prayerfully and let me know if he thought there was hope for us. I then attended the seminar…Hope and confidence that this was a "God" thing grew in both of us and fears began to dissipate. God began to do miracles in each of our hearts, and we could each see how God had been changing our hearts in various ways while we were apart, and we had no idea we were both experiencing that. We both got a copy of the Love and Respect book and were reading it over the phone and talking through our past difficulties and differences.….we began checking out the DVDs …We were amazed at how God confirmed time and again that it was Him doing it. We experienced open door after open door, and undoubtable miracles along the way confirming His will for us."
"The turnaround in our marriage is a miracle and is a profound event in my life…we have had hard discussions since I finished the (Love & Respect) book and since we attended the conference, but not one has turned into an argument. We have had disagreements, but not disconnection. Every hard discussion has resulted in a deeper level of intimacy in our marriage. I never thought this was possible. God is able to do immeasurably more than we ever ask or imagine."
"We have been married 14 years & never have we done anything together to serve the Lord's people. My friend basically stuck your DVD series in my face & said, “You've got to watch this!” My husband & I did. In fact, we still are for the 2nd time around. Just yesterday my husband said, "We are supposed to call couples so we can pray together." This is not the "norm" for my husband. To invite people into our home so we can talk & be transparent...Wow! We look forward to God using our miracle in marriage to help other marriages not fail but succeed God's way! Amen!"
"We attended the conference and want to let you know how blessed we were by the truth you spoke. God has used your message to transform us and our marriage. We are amazed at the miracle and work He is doing in us individually and in our marriage. Your message of love & respect gave us a great start, and God has been gracious to help us along in the journey."
"I want to thank you for helping me get my marriage back! The divorce papers were in the car and I'd only promised to go to the conference because our daughter begged me to. I'd tried for months with my spouse; we were separated, tried counseling, prayer, and after 16 years I knew it was over… (During the third session) I could feel my heart being touched by God…(What took place between us) has NEVER happened before and I want to tell you that we are reconciled, I've stopped the divorce…we've spoken to our daughter and shared with her our change of heart and we say thank you. There is no doubt in my life that I'm watching a miracle in action and I say, bless you for your time and effort."
"Love and Respect…is a miracle in my life. My husband and I have been separated for over a year now. In January, my husband began to move back in my direction in an attempt to reconcile our marriage. I felt the Lord telling me to give this marriage a chance again. But, I didn't have the tools to solve any of our past messes. I was blindly obedient to the Lord and just walked and waited for Him to reveal how this would all come together. And the Lord put the Love and Respect book in my path in February. I began reading the book the day I bought it. I was shocked and blown away by the truth that was written page after page. I began to see my half in the mess and better yet, I began to see how to resolve our problems and reconcile our marriage. Then I ordered the Love and Respect Marriage Conference…and I am even more convicted and profoundly impacted. I really, really made huge mistakes. I have read so many marriage self-help books and nothing compares to the knowledge and wisdom that is found in this Love and Respect concept. I am excited and hopeful for my marriage and I can't help but want to shout it from a mountain top. I want everyone to know this truth (that) will save marriages…I walk in faith each day as our marriage is rebuilt…Truly this work and information is a miracle in my life…Everyone needs to know and hear the truth that has set me free! May the Lord richly bless you as you have blessed me!"
"Love and Respect was nothing short of a miracle in saving my marriage, and I would love the opportunity to make others aware of your Ministry and what it can do for a marriage. I hold a Master’s degree in Counseling, and I am a Christian…Thank you so much, and God Bless you both for saving my marriage."
"A wonderful change in our relationship began and we both tried to be understanding of each other. Your course just fit in perfectly and filled in the missing pieces…We are to respect our differences. Laughter and peace has come into our home again. Thank you! (My husband) and I had several opportunities to share the principles of Love and Respect with several other Christian couples and of how God was working in our lives and marriage…Already we have had some couples into our home and shared our experience and then we sit and play your CD and end it by praying a prayer of forgiveness and healing for our relationships."
"One of God's miracles in all of this is (we) made a commitment to go for counseling and the person that gave us the counseling used all his teaching based on Love and Respect. First we had to re-read your book, then we went through your 5 DVDs on Love and Respect…with obedience, faith, patience and with (the) Love and Respect teaching God worked His plans His way...Yes we both have acknowledged that it takes two to tango and we were in all aspects of our lives on the crazy cycle. We are now committed to always work our way through life by putting God first and to stay off of the crazy cycle."
"The changes in my marriage are so drastic that it can only be attributed to a miracle…my life will NEVER be the same. I will, with God's help, ALWAYS seek God and His ways. My marriage has changed and my children will be blessed because of it. This truly does make a difference for generations to come."
"My own experiences along with your advice have resulted in a miracle in my life. I enjoy my husband as I did when we were courting (more, even). Our sex life has improved 100% as I find respecting my husband a turn-on (believe it or not). Today, he gets more than enough respect (and sex) and I get all the love and protection that I could ever want. There is now great joy in my marriage thanks to your help."
Every session resonated with me on many levels. Not being very religious person it has brought me closer to God's Word and how to live my life not for my spouse but for HIM. For years I thought marriage was all about love but could not understand how my spouse could treat [me] that way if she loves me. I have now realized what that empty feeling in my stomach was. It was RESPECT for me and LOVE for her. Mind blown. It's not about right and wrong but mutual understanding. Wish I had watched this my spouse 6 months [ago] as we probably would not be separated if we saw the videos together.
My husband and I are married 18 years and are a blended family. We have done love and respect 4 times!!! We purchased the conference and used it for 3 bible studies in our home over the years and have seen many marriages transformed. Three were saved from the verge of divorce and are thriving wonderfully.
Please let me say that I have enjoyed your material for quite a while. Several years ago I purchased a DVD set of an earlier seminar that I and my wife have watched several times together. I still like to sit down with the DVD's and freshen up my understanding of the marriage relationship.
My wife and I attended a Conference Live In-Person a few years back and it changed our marriage. We were frustrated, as this is our second marriage each,… we so much wanted to glorify God but we seemed to be doing so much wrong. We walked out during a break, looked up at the sky and simultaneously, shouted "I get it!". Our marriage has been tremendous ever since (sure we have crazy cycles, but they are so rare & short lived nowadays and truly lead to resolve). In fact, the Holy Sprit moved upon my wife one Sunday morning and after following the right steps we became Pre-marriage Mentors at our church for the past 3 years now - we LOVE it. We are looking forward to going through the Conference again and having this material at our fingertips for reference. "My Response is my Responsibility" has been tremendously helpful not only for our marriage but in so many other areas of our life.
Just wanted to pass along a thank you for all that you have done in bringing this critically important scriptural truth to the church and world. My wife and I saw the application of this material help us take our very good marriage to one of tremendous mutual blessing! We have now taught the first small group version as well as the subsequent two video small group versions to over 50 couples over the past decade, and without fail it has had a positive life changing impact on them. In fact, one of our first couples, who were struggling, now Co-lead our small group with us, and have drawn so much closer to Jesus, and to each other, and that started with their exposure to Love and Respect. Again, thank you for your faithfulness to Him.
My wife and I saw your videos around 5 years ago for the first time and we loved your teachings. We were impressed by how you clearly explained God’s plan for our marriage. However, recently we have had a rough patch and seemed to have forgotten those principles. As by divine intervention, my wife saw an advertisement for the Love and Respect conference taking place near us and she signed us up for it though she was still hurting. We attended this weekend and I will say that it has renewed our commitment to each other. I will say that the live event was even better than what we expected. Thank you for your ministry and may the Lord continue using you.
Love and Respect has an amazing strategy that we noticed immediately. It has a biblical foundation, keeping Christ in the center of our daily lives, and the amazing message of the gospel and how to receive salvation. It is realistic and demonstrates scenarios based on daily life. Love and Respect has helped us to better understand each other and how to think about our actions before you commit them. The course is so powerful spiritually that it has ignited both of us not only to improve but also to start getting engaged in the field of marriage and the gospel. Love and Respect is truly a blessing.
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
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Product Quotes
If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.
If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.
Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.
One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.
When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.
A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.
When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.
Negative actions rarely produce positive results.
The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.
The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.
Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?
“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.
When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.
Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.
Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.
When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)
Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.
When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.
Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.
When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.
When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.
If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.
When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.
Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)
Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.
Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.
Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.
With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.
Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.
As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!
The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.
Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.
She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.
“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”
At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!
There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.
Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.
“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.
The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.
When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.
Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.
If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.
Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.
Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.
It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.
Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.
Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.
Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.
Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.
We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.
Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?
Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.
Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.
You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”
The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.
I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.
It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.
We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.
It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.
Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.
We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.
Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.
Your spouse has a need only you can fill.
No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.
We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.
Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.
We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.
Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.
When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.
Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.
As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.
[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)
When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.
Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.
You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.
[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.
When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.
When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?
The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.
We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.
Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.
We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.
As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.
Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.
As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.
Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?
A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.
Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.
As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.
Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.
Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.
Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.
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