Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.