Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your words reveal your heart.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.