Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.