Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”