Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.