Love and Respect Coaster (6) Set

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your words reveal your heart.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.