Love and Respect Husband + Logo Mug

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Your words reveal your heart.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)