The Illumination Project

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?