The Illumination Project

The Illumination Project is a six-week study by Joy Eggerichs, and her father Emerson Eggerichs (author of Love and Respect). The series captures a conversation between the two of them in front of a live audience.

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What You Will Learn

A Candid Conversation Between Joy Eggerichs Reed and Her Father

Embark on a profound exploration into the intricate dynamics of successful relationships and unlock the transformative power of love and respect. Within this enlightening journey, you will delve into the complexities faced within marriages, particularly during times of conflict and difficulty. With empathy and insight, we will unravel the nuances of assumptions and misunderstandings that can hinder true connection. By peering beneath the surface, you will discover the profound impact that understanding and addressing underlying needs can have on your relationship. Prepare to be empowered as you gain invaluable tools to navigate challenging situations, foster empathy, and cultivate a deepened bond with your partner. Through this transformative exploration, you will unlock the potential to create a love-filled and mutually fulfilling relationship that withstands the test of time.

Embark on a thought-provoking journey of self-discovery as we uncover the deep-rooted reasons behind the fear of showing respect in relationships. Dive into the profound impact that personal definitions can have on our connections with others, and gain valuable insights into reshaping our perspectives for the better. Reflect on the transformative power of serving others, as we explore how acts of kindness and selflessness can revolutionize our relationships and bring joy to both giver and receiver. In moments of heartache and loneliness, we will illuminate the significance of community and the healing that can be found in genuine connections with others. Finally, prepare to be moved by the profound truth of Jesus' love and the life-changing implications it holds for each and every one of us. Through this soul-stirring exploration, you will gain a deeper understanding of yourself, your relationships, and the boundless love that has the power to transform your life.

Embark on an enlightening journey as we delve into the intricate complexities of gender differences and their profound implications in relationships. Take a moment to reflect on the concept of equality, recognizing that it goes beyond mere sameness and embraces the richness of diverse perspectives and strengths. Explore the challenges and freedoms that come with navigating these differences, delving into conflicts and communication patterns between men and women. Let us examine prevailing stereotypes and the vital importance of understanding and honoring each other's perspectives. Moreover, let us confront the damaging effects of labeling, acknowledging how it shapes our treatment of one another in the realms of dating and marriage. Through this transformative exploration, gain a deeper understanding of the multifaceted nature of gender dynamics, fostering healthier connections rooted in empathy, respect, and a celebration of the beautiful differences that make each individual unique.

Embark on a transformative exploration as we delve into the concept of contentment and seek guidance from God in navigating different life situations, as outlined in First Corinthians 7:3–11. Reflect on the implications of gender differences and the notion of hierarchy in relationships, contemplating their alignment with Ephesians 5:33. Dive deep into the profound essence of unconditional love and respect, recognizing their empowering nature and their potential to inspire positive change. Engage in a thought-provoking dialogue on assuming goodwill and find the balance between setting boundaries and extending grace in our relationships. Through this enlightening journey, discover the wisdom and principles that can cultivate contentment, harmony, and growth, both within ourselves and in our cherished connections with others.

Explore fears and hesitations around marriage for both single and married individuals, including the desire for marriage coupled with a fear of commitment. Reflect on the complexity of relationships, the responsibility of Christian marriages to represent the Christ-church relationship, and the impact of Christians' imperfect track record on marriage perception. Discuss doubts within a covenant and the concept of the "gift of singleness" and its implications on contentment and personal growth. Consider the tension between expressing desires and surrendering to God's will. Emphasize the inherent worth of every individual in the eyes of God.

In this riveting final session, Emerson and Joy graciously take center stage to address the burning questions of the audience. With their profound wisdom and genuine compassion, they embark on a captivating Q&A session that serves as the perfect culmination of the enlightening journey offered by The Illumination Project. Drawing from their vast experience and unique perspectives, Emerson and Joy dive deep into the heart of each query, unraveling insights and offering practical guidance to navigate the complexities of relationships and life. This cherished opportunity to engage directly with these esteemed individuals ensures an intimate and transformative experience, leaving attendees with a renewed sense of clarity, inspiration, and empowered to embrace the journey ahead.

The Illumination Project Kit

A Six-Week Study

The Illumination Project

The Illumination Project (TIP) by Joy Eggerichs and Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is a six-week video series that tackles the unique challenges faced by 18-35 year olds in matters of faith, dating, marriage, and male/female relationships. Filmed in front of a live audience in Portland, OR, Joy shares her relatable stories and questions while Emerson provides insights from his extensive study and experiences. This series aims to inspire wisdom and illumination among young adults by asking thought-provoking questions and offering valuable guidance. Available on DVD and online streaming, TIP includes accompanying journals and features talented Portland-based artists and musicians. Suitable for individuals aged 18 and older, it addresses common questions for singles, those in relationships, married, or divorced. TIP also serves as a valuable resource for older generations seeking to mentor young adults, making it an ideal tool for group discussions or personal exploration.

Who is it for?

The Illumination Project is a versatile tool suitable for individuals aged 18 and older. It is designed to be used in a small group context, ideally bringing together both young and old participants, although it can also be utilized among peers or independently. The series specifically addresses the common questions faced by 18-35 year olds, regardless of their relationship status, whether they are single, dating, married, or divorced. Additionally, TIP is an excellent resource for the older generation who wish to mentor younger individuals, as simply starting the videos will spark meaningful discussions. It is important to note that while The Illumination Project includes content relevant to singles, it is not exclusively focused on being a "singles study."

Get to know...

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

About Love & Respect
Portrait of Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Product Quotes

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Love & Respect

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Love & Respect

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Love & Respect Boook

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

The Love and Respect Experience

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Love & Respect Podcast

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Building Blocks

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Respectfully Yours

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The Love and Respect Experience

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Before You Hit Send

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

The Illumination Project (Journal)

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The Love and Respect Experience

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

The Love and Respect Experience

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Love & Respect in the Family

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The Love and Respect Experience

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Love & Respect Book

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Love & Respect

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The Love and Respect Experience

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Love & Respect in the Family

We are equal but we are not the same.

Building Blocks

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Building Blocks

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

The Love and Respect Experience

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The Love and Respect Experience

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Love & Respect

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Respectfully Yours

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

The Love and Respect Experience

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Before You Hit Send

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Before You Hit Send

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Love & Respect in the Family

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Respectfully Yours

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Respectfully Yours

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Respectfully Yours

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The Language of Love & Respect

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Respectfully Yours

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Before You Hit Send

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Love & Respect

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Building Blocks

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

The Love and Respect Experience

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The Love and Respect Experience

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Building Blocks

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Love & Respect Podcast

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Building Blocks

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Love & Respect Podcast

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The Love and Respect Experience

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Building Blocks

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Love & Respect Podcast

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

The Love and Respect Experience

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Love & Respect

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Love & Respect

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

The Love and Respect Experience

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The Language of Love & Respect Book

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Love & Respect Podcast

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Before You Hit Send

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Building Blocks

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

The Love and Respect Experience

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Love & Respect Podcast

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Before You Hit Send

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Love & Respect

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Before You Hit Send

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Love & Respect

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The Love and Respect Experience

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Building Blocks

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Love & Respect

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect Experience

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Love & Respect in the Family

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

The Love and Respect Experience

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Respectfully Yours

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Love & Respect in the Family

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

The Love and Respect Experience

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Love & Respect
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