The Illumination Project

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Your words reveal your heart.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?