The Love and Respect Devotional

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your words reveal your heart.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.