The Love and Respect Devotional

We are equal but we are not the same.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.