The Love and Respect Devotional

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your words reveal your heart.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We are equal but we are not the same.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.