The Love and Respect Devotional

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.