The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.