The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.