The Love & Respect Experience (Audiobook)

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

the heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Your words reveal your heart.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.