Love and Respect for a Lifetime
Love and Respect for a Lifetime is a beautiful Gift Book with quality artwork and graphics. A hardcover, but smaller in size, it is a compilation of insights and wisdom taken from Dr. Eggerichs' other books as well as the Love and Respect Conference.
Love and Respect for a Lifetime makes the ideal gift:
- It’s all color, photo-filled design makes it inviting for couples to look at together.
- It is a compilation of Dr. Eggerichs best Love & Respect tips: a quick and easy read that proves enticing to a spouse that might be apprehensive of working through an entire study or book.
- It’s engaging message validates the core needs of each spouse and gives a message of hope, encouragement and practical time-tested solutions for every marriage rather than focusing on placing blame or judging.
- It’s ideal as a gift for dating or engaged couples, as well as a wedding or anniversary gift. It’s elegant design invites the recipients to open, read it together and leave out as a display for others to take a closer look at what it means to love her and to respect him.
Love & Respect
For a Lifetime
In Love & Respect, author Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the concept of the Crazy Cycle, a negative communication pattern that can occur in marriages. When one partner responds in a way that feels disrespectful to the other partner, it can trigger a negative reaction, causing the cycle to continue. Learn how to break the cycle and build a stronger relationship.
To break the Crazy Cycle, Dr. Eggerichs suggests that couples need to recognize and address the underlying needs for love and respect in both partners. By showing love and respect to one another, couples can create a positive cycle of interaction and strengthen their relationship. You will learn practical tips and exercises to cultivate this positive cycle.
Through the Crazy Cycle, Love & Respect offers valuable insights into the ways that negative communication patterns can impact a marriage. By understanding and addressing these patterns, couples can build a stronger and more loving relationship.
In Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs presents an alternative to the Crazy Cycle: the Energizing Cycle. This positive communication pattern starts with the wife showing respect to her husband, which makes him feel respected. In turn, the husband shows love to his wife, which makes her feel loved. This creates a positive feedback loop where both partners feel loved and respected.
By consistently showing appreciation, affection, and empathy, couples can cultivate the Energizing Cycle and build a strong and healthy relationship. Love and respect are two essential needs for both partners in a marriage, and meeting these needs can lead to greater intimacy, connection, and satisfaction in the relationship.
The Energizing Cycle offers a practical and effective way for couples to break negative communication patterns and build a more positive and fulfilling relationship. By intentionally showing love and respect to one another, couples can strengthen their bond and experience greater happiness and fulfillment in their marriage.
In Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the concept of the Rewarded Cycle, where the husband demonstrates love regardless of her respect and the wife demonstrates respect regardless of his love.
But what if your husband doesn't show you love when you show him respect? What if your wife doesn't show you respect as you show her love? If you get no results from practicing Love & Respect, why bother?
The Rewarded Cycle gives you the answers to these questions. In a real sense, the Rewarded Cycle is the most important part in this book as we are called to love and respect are spouse unconditionally, unto the Lord.
The C.O.U.P.L.E. acronym stands for Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. This is how a husband shows love to his wife.
Each element of the C.O.U.P.L.E. acronym represents a key aspect of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. By working to develop these qualities in their marriage, couples can build a stronger and more loving relationship.
In these six areas you will learn how to spell "love" to your wife.
The C.H.A.I.R.S. acronym presented in this book gives you practical, biblical ways that will help you become more respectful women. Wives do not need a lot of coaching on being loving. It is something God built into them, and they do it naturally. However, they do need help with respect.
Providing more energy for your marriage is exactly what the C.H.A.I.R.S. acronym is all about. C.H.A.I.R.S stands for the six major values that your husband holds: Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality.
In these six area you will learn how to spell "respect" to your husband.
For you, but also a great gift!
Love and Respect for a Lifetime is a beautiful Gift Book with quality artwork and graphics. A hardcover, but smaller in size, it is a compilation of insights and wisdom taken from Dr. E’s other books as well as the Love and Respect Conference. This will make a lovely gift for weddings, engagements, anniversaries…or just for a friend with whom you want to share this life-changing message. And for you personally, it will inspire again with those nuggets of truth that Dr. E sets forth in the conference. Put it on your nightstand to review!
Develop a Meaningful Marriage
Based on three decades of counseling and research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs leads couples through the intricacies of a marriage built on Love and Respect. He explores the differences in men and women and how a husband’s need for respect can be balanced by a wife’s need for love. When these needs are mutually recognized and made a priority, a fulfilling and meaningful marriage will be the inevitable result.
Discover Why Over 3 Million Couples Trust the Love & Respect Message!
Dear Emerson, Wow! After 16 years, 3 kids, I feel like I should have done a marriage refresher years ago and not waited until a crisis.
I learned things in your book that no one else (in books I had read) had ever explained. For instance – the shoulder to shoulder concept – about how men don’t really need to have a lot of conversation to enjoy time with their wives. How nice to know that. I have decided that I am going to give your book for wedding gifts.
My husband and I just attended your conference…, which we greatly enjoyed. Today is also our precious daughter [s]… birthday and I wanted you to know that she would not be here if not for God’s intervention in our lives through your Love and Respect book 9 years ago which saved our marriage...
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.About Love & Respect
No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.
Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.
Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.
God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.
Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.
Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.
[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”
It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.
If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.
In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.
His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.
[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.
To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.
When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.
If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.
We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.
God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.
You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.
God is good and wants what is best for us.
When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)
Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.
Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.
Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.
So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”
Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.
Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.
Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.
Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.
When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.
When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.
Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!
God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.
Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.
When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.
Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.
We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.
Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?
A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.
You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.
Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.
Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.
The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.
She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.
In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)
To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.
He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.
We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.
Your words reveal your heart.
Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?
Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.
Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.
You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.
Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.
If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.
Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.
Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.
You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.
A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.
This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.
Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.
We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)
We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.
Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.
When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.
It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.
Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.
Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.
Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)
Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.
Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.
Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.
We are worth Jesus to the Father.
A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.
It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.
You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.
You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.
She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.
The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.
Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.
God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!
Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.
Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.
When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.
Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.
Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!
To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.
Before hitting send, ask yourself, Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?
Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.
When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?
Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)
Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).
The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.
When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.
We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.
We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.
You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.
Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.