Love and Respect for a Lifetime

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.