The Language of Love & Respect (Audiobook)

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Your words reveal your heart.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires