The Language of Love & Respect (Audiobook)

This unabridged version is read by Dr. Eggerichs and is approximately 6 hours long. See the description on this site for the Language of Love and Respect (previously released as Cracking the Communication Code), which is the same content as this audiobook

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Explore The Language of Love & Respect

Crack the Communication Code in Marriage

This concise yet powerful resource takes you on a transformative short course, delving into the core principles of love and respect in relationships. Discover profound insights and practical guidance as you navigate the intricacies of communication, unlocking the key to nurturing a vibrant and fulfilling connection with your spouse. With its condensed format, this book within a book offers a valuable resource for those seeking to enhance their understanding of love and respect in a concise and impactful way.

Discover the three vital truths for better communication. These pivotal chapters shed light on essential aspects of effective communication in relationships. Delve into the significance of the mouth and words within the context of marriage, understanding their impact on connection and harmony. Embrace the beauty of differences and learn to navigate varying viewpoints with empathy and respect. Reflect on the crucial role of trust and goodwill in communication, fostering openness and vulnerability. Through these vital truths, you will gain practical strategies to enhance your communication skills, fostering deep and meaningful connections with your spouse.

Unmask the relentless enemy of marital communication known as "The Crazy Cycle." This eye-opening resource sheds light on the destructive patterns that can sabotage communication in relationships. Explore the negative spirals of reactions and responses that can escalate conflicts, leading to emotional disconnection and frustration. Gain profound insights into breaking free from this cycle, learning how to navigate conflicts with grace and understanding, and restoring harmony in your communication dynamics.

Discover the transformative power of "The Energizing Cycle" and its profound impact on communication. Dive into the core principle of meeting your spouse's needs as a foundation for fostering understanding and connection. Explore practical strategies for recognizing and fulfilling your spouse's emotional and relational needs, unlocking a powerful cycle of mutual support and engagement. This resource offers invaluable guidance to cultivate a thriving and vibrant connection built on love and respect.

The Rewarded Cycle in the book emphasizes unconditional love and respect in marriage, guided by obedience to God's commands, irrespective of a spouse's response. It highlights the spiritual rewards from God when one acts in love and respect. The book also introduces the "Jesus way of talking," which encourages truthful, uplifting, and forgiving communication. This cycle offers a liberating perspective, especially for challenging marriages, suggesting that one's actions can be spiritually rewarding even if their spouse doesn't reciprocate.

The Language of Love & Respect

Audiobook

Crack the Communication Code: Mastering Love & Respect!

It's the number one question couples ask: "How can we better communicate?" In this masterful follow-up to his best-selling book, Love & Respect, Dr. Eggerichs presents a practical, step-by-step approach for how husbands and wives can learn to speak each other's distinctly different language - respect for him, love for her. The Language of Love & Respect goes deeper into the practical and "how to" of Love & Respect. Apply the concepts introduced in this book, and it will make an amazing difference in how you react and interact with each other. Previously released as Cracking the Communication Code.

Why does communication between couples remain the number one marriage issue?

Because most spouses don't know that they speak two different languages.

Communication expert Dr. Emerson Eggerich says that the problem is couples are sending each other messages in 'code,' but they won't crack that code until they see that she listens to hear the language of love and he listens to hear the language of respect.

Dr. Eggerichs' best-selling book, Love and Respect, launched a revolution in how couples relate to each other. In The Language of Love and Respect, you will discover:

  • The basic communication differences between men and women
  • A biblical perspective with easy-to-use tips and advice
  • A quick review and summary for each chapter

Previously released as Cracking the Communication Code.

Get to know...

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

About Love & Respect
Portrait of Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Product Quotes

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Love & Respect

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Building Blocks

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Love & Respect

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

The Love and Respect Experience

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

The Love and Respect Experience

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Love & Respect

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Love & Respect in the Family

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Building Blocks

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

The Love and Respect Experience

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Building Blocks

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

The Love and Respect Experience

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

The Love and Respect Experience

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Love & Respect Podcast

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Building Blocks

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The Love and Respect Experience

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Respectfully Yours

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Love & Respect in the Family

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The Language of Love & Respect

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Before You Hit Send

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Respectfully Yours

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

The Language of Love & Respect

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Building Blocks

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Love & Respect

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The Love and Respect Experience

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Love & Respect

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Love & Respect in the Family

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect Experience

We are equal but we are not the same.

Building Blocks

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Before You Hit Send

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Building Blocks

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Love & Respect Podcast

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Building Blocks

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Love & Respect Podcast

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Love & Respect

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

The Language of Love & Respect

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Love & Respect

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Love & Respect

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Love & Respect

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Before You Hit Send

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Love & Respect

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Before You Hit Send

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Before You Hit Send

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The Love and Respect Experience

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Love & Respect Podcast

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Respectfully Yours

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Before You Hit Send

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

The Love and Respect Experience

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Respectfully Yours

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

The Love and Respect Experience

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Respectfully Yours

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

The Language of Love & Respect Book

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Love & Respect

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Respectfully Yours

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Before You Hit Send

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Building Blocks

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Love & Respect Podcast

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Respectfully Yours

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Love & Respect

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Before You Hit Send

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Building Blocks

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Building Blocks
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