The Language of Love & Respect (Audiobook)

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We are equal but we are not the same.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)