The Language of Love & Respect (Audiobook)

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?