The Language of Love & Respect Workbook

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Your words reveal your heart.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)