The Language of Love & Respect Workbook

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.