The Crazy Cycle In Marriage - Study Guide (Download)

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We are equal but we are not the same.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)