The Crazy Cycle In Marriage - Study Guide (Download)

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”