The Crazy Cycle In Marriage - Study Guide (Download)
This is a digital study guide that goes with The Crazy Cycle In Marriage video course. This purchase is for single-use license - Order as many as you will need.


Where To Buy
The Crazy Cycle In Marriage Study Guide
Digital Download
The Crazy Cycle in Marriage Workbook (download) completes the 4-part video-driven Bible study from Right Now Media (also available as a L&R course) and includes leader's guide notes, summaries and discussion questions for all four sessions, and information on how to get the most out of this video study.

Whether you're studying on your own or leading a group as a volunteer or a paid staff member, this downloadable material will help you and your group focus on the meaningful teaching in The Crazy Cycle in Marriage.
In order for every member of your group to get the most out of this series, everyone will need a copy of the workbook.
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Read What Others Are Saying About The Crazy Cycle in Marriage!
"My husband and I ... were definitely on the crazy cycle. We didn't know it until recognizing it after your explanation. It was like a light bulb went off showing us what we were doing over and over again."
Wife
"My marriage is changed forever! I want to let men who are struggling know that they can change their marriage. If you apply these principles, they will make a difference, my marriage is living proof."
Husband
"We were constantly on the Crazy cycle...but I started to act on some of your suggestions. I was amazed at the changes in our marriage."
Couple
"I’m a pastor and was looking for a DVD series to use with couples in pastoral counseling. I feel thrilled that I was able to get the Crazy Cycle 4 session series [online] to help them."
Pastor
"Thank you for helping families to understand and be better. Also, thank you for helping us again to rely on God to help transform us!"
Wife
"Excellent videos. My husband and I have learned what causes us to get on the crazy cycle during conflict. That has been eye opening and an area for growth in our marriage. He is my ally, not my enemy."
Wife
"My husband and I ... were definitely on the crazy cycle. We didn't know it until recognizing it after your explanation. It was like a light bulb went off showing us what we were doing over and over again."
"My marriage is changed forever! I want to let men who are struggling know that they can change their marriage. If you apply these principles, they will make a difference, my marriage is living proof."
"We were constantly on the Crazy cycle...but I started to act on some of your suggestions. I was amazed at the changes in our marriage."
"I’m a pastor and was looking for a DVD series to use with couples in pastoral counseling. I feel thrilled that I was able to get the Crazy Cycle 4 session series [online] to help them."
"...I thank you SO much for helping us to understand the concepts of love and respect. While I did not have great role models growing up, I am committed to showing my husband and sons the respect that they deserve as the men in our home. I have seen the love for myself and my daughter come around in multiplied amounts, which has made our home so much happier all around. Thank you for helping families to understand and be better. Also, thank you for helping us again to rely on God to help transform us!"
"Excellent videos. My husband and I have learned what causes us to get on the crazy cycle during conflict. That has been eye opening and an area for growth in our marriage. He is my ally, not my enemy."
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
About Love & Respect.jpg)
Product Quotes
His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.
It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.
Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?
With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.
Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.
Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.
Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.
Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.
How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)
When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.
Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.
He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.
Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).
When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.
Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.
At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!
When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.
When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.
Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.
When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.
Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.
His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.
We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.
I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.
Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.
When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.
Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.
When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.
A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.
Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!
This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.
[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.
Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.
Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.
Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.
Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.
Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.
A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.
God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.
It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.
[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”
When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.
Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.
A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.
One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.
When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.
We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.
God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.
“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.
When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.
Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.
She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.
When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)
A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.
Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires
Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.
So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”
To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.
You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!
Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.
You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.
Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)
Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.
Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.
Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.
If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.
Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.
Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.
Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.
When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.
When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.
Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.
A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.
We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.
Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.
Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"
God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?
Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.
The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

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