Mother & Son Course Workbook (Download)

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

We are equal but we are not the same.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”