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Mother & Son Course Workbook (Download)
This is a digital download purchase of the study guide for the Mother and Son: The Respect Effect online course, available to watch via a membership here at Love and Respect. This purchase is for single-use license - order as many as you will need.
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Respect Is the Key to Your Son's Heart
The idea of moms respecting their sons may sound alien to some, but it seems to ignite curiosity across the board. It is easy to relate to the need for all of us to feel a mother’s love, but is that the same thing as respect? Even for young boys, the effect of respect is nothing short of astounding when applied properly.
Go to the online course HERE.
Empowering Mothers in the Vital Mother-Son Relationship
Mothers, it's time to address the urgency of the situation. While there's significant focus on coaching fathers to love their daughters, the conversation around specific ways for mothers to show respect to their sons has been largely silent and lacking comprehensive guidance. The undeniable truth is that little girls need their father's love, but who is championing the importance of mothers showing respect to their sons, both young and grown? It's no wonder that mothers often feel left in the dark on this vital topic.
By applying biblical principles of love and respect, Emerson sheds light on this crucial dynamic and provides practical and applicable insights. It's time to bring clarity and understanding to the unique and essential role mothers play in showing respect to their sons.
Read What Moms Are Saying About Mother & Son!
Your teaching has touched our family in a way that will change us for generations to come and I can never thank you enough.
I loved this book and recommended it for a book club of moms. It was helpful for each of us...Particularly appreciated the shoulder to shoulder time explanation, and the explanation of using the word respect in conversations with my sons. The book was helpful because it allowed me to see how my communication needed to be different with my sons than it is with my daughters. It made me more intentional in conversations with my guys.
I just finished Mother & Son and have learned so much. I have three sons...and have been struggling communicating with my oldest. A friend at church had recommended your book and it couldn’t have come at the more perfect time. For me it was easy and I get it now! Practically every chapter I was shaking my head in agreement. I think about things before I say them and try to explain in the most respectful tone without raising my voice. The biggest win for me was the first time I tried Respect Talk with my oldest son. We had gotten into an argument over the weekend and it was bothering me. A few days later I went into his room before bed and had apologized for my actions and how we are a lot alike and he is growing into a respectful and honorable young man. He grinned and I said good night and walked out. I went back into bed and within 5 minutes he came into our room to give us a hug, kiss, say good night and that he loved us! I had the biggest smile on my face. For me, this is easy and I get it now. I didn’t understand the blue way of thinking and it is something I am working on every day now. Thank you!
I have to admit that I am not great at either the love or respect talk! So humbling. And yet, this book really gave me incentive to try to be better, with concrete examples that I desperately needed. I love my two teenage sons, and I've yearned to be a good mother to them, but wasn't sure how. This book told me how, and is changing my relationships with them. It is slow, because I do not change easily, but I am persevering, and better is BETTER!
When my son gives me his insight I say, “I really respect what you have to say,” or “I respect the way you handled that situation.” Or “I really respect how you are taking initiative to get things done and follow through with . . .” These things have made my son smile like I have never seen. I talk more about respect with regard to sporting events and showing respect for other opponents. My son knows without a doubt that I love him . . . now I feel he knows that I value him and his ideas, which I may not have done so well in the past. . . . Thank you so much for sharing God’s message.
In talking to my sons on the phone, I thought I would try out the respect thing. Instead of always ending our conversation with I love you, I said, “I respect (I made it personal to their situations).” One son got quiet and then said, “Thank you, mom,” which really touched my heart. Another son who is more distant from us emotionally and spiritually also got quiet and then said, “I love you,” which he seldom says first or responds to when I say it. To me that was awesome. I expect new fruit in many areas and look forward to using these tools to bring healing to first myself and then others. God bless your ministry.
My relationship with my twenty-two-year-old son improved overnight! Who knew that... simple changes in words could make such a difference. Now I tell him how much I appreciate him, and he tears up. Before, I told him I loved him and got back, "I know, I know, I luv u too." Learning the right words to get my feelings across in a way they can be assimilated was so easy!
Because of my lack of understanding the importance of respect, I purchased your “Mother and Son” book. We adopted our son as a newborn. We have always been honest with him about his story and now at 8 years of age he is beginning to ask some hard questions. Your teaching is helping me to allow my boy to talk about his birth mom and ask questions and cry tears. I don’t think I could have done that with the grace and kindness needed if I didn’t understand his need for respect. Respecting my husband and my son is healing them. It is amazing to see."
Just finished Mother & Son Respect Effect. I loved it!! I wish I had read it sooner although I do believe I’ve learned to respect my 16 year old in a just a few short weeks. I’ve told all my friends about it as I believe it’s a must for all moms of boys. I also strongly feel that female public school teachers should read this book!!
We have two boys, and our oldest is almost eleven. I know that he feels a lot of pressure on him to be a good example to his three younger siblings. I tell him I love him all the time, but I had never considered telling him I respect him. This last Tuesday, I was cleaning his room, and I found a note he had written. It said, “Failure=Benjamin.” He is very hard on himself. . . . I was devastated. I knew something had to change, and that something was us, his parents. We need to show him that we respect him. Before he got home from school, I made twelve notes and taped them around his room and hid them in places such as drawers and under his pillow: I love you. I respect you. I respect your ideas. I am so proud of you. You are the most creative person I know. You are a great big brother. As soon as he got home and saw the obvious ones I had posted, he ran to me and gave me a hug! His eyes were sparkling, and he was so excited. He immediately took the notes and made a board that said “compliment board” and taped them all to it. I have written him letters in the past to tell him I love him and how much he means to me (he is very sentimental and has kept every note and letter). But telling him I respect him went over the top. I have made a vow to respect my son and treat him like I want his future spouse to treat him.
A mother and preschool director wrote: We have four children, two boys and two girls. Our boys are in the middle and sixteen months apart. Our boys were arguing, bickering, and annoying each other on purpose around ages nine and ten... I would remind them to “be nice” or “show kindness,” and their actions would change for the moment, but it didn’t reach their hearts. As I applied the respect principle to them and said things such as “You aren’t showing your brother respect when you ______________.” Or “You show your friends respect, so you need to extend that same respect to your brother.” It was life-changing; it spoke to their hearts. Don’t get me wrong, they still have disagreements at thirteen and fourteen, but they are quick to resolve them, and they are best friends.
I have read Love and Respect years ago so I was familiar with the Respect message. However, I had not realized how much I didn’t know… What I didn’t know was my son, now adult, was starving for my respect as much as my husband did in the past. I always expected my son to show respect to me while thinking love was all he needed from me. Now, Emerson has opened my eyes again to the reality. I am getting ready to construct a letter to my adult son telling him how much I Respect him. I love the fact that there are practical words and phrases to use with my son that I would have never thought to say., Words that he longs to hear from me. Mother and Son is worth your read. Emerson will help you understand your son better.
…I had a heart-to-heart talk with our 35-year old son this past week. I started reading “Mother and Son” while we were still at the conference and was deeply convicted just after reading the intro! I texted my son immediately and said: “only gotten through the intro to Emerson’s new book and have learned that I have always loved you deeply, but have not always respected you – as a young boy or as a man. For that I deeply apologize and have much to seek your forgiveness for. God has already shown me two very specific times. Can we talk after I get home…at a time convenient for you?” he responded fairly quickly and said: “Yes we can”. We had a great 2-hour talk…and then, just as he was leaving, he came up behind me and put his arms around me and said, “I love you, Mom.” Whew…so special!
I just finished Mother & Son: The Respect Effect, and it has opened my eyes to a whole new world. I’m a divorced mom with 2 adult sons and no brothers, so sorely in need of this book to get a clue. Wow! I have also ordered the Love & Respect Conference DVDs to help me with gaining more knowledge on the topic. Can’t wait for them to arrive. Thank you for this wonderful and enlightening book.
I listened to the audio book but now I’m ordering the hard copy. There is so much amazing information in here, I need a better way to reference it! After having many years of marriage turmoil, I heard an explanation of the Crazy Cycle. In hearing this, I knew I needed to know more but marriage wounds were too fresh. Having two sons (9 and 4), I knew I needed understanding from God so that I would raise them with their masculine needs met to the best of my ability. This book has given me great illumination on the way God created the male gender and how to respond as their mother. It’s a book I need to reread every few years!
I first want to say thank you so much for writing this book for all of us mothers. I’m not a big reader but I just knew I needed to get through this. When my son was a lot younger of course our relationship was significantly different and it was all about love and he loved love. I realize in the teenage years that something was changing and I could not quite figure it out. And now I recently got married and I have three stepchildren. Each of them are boys. I have three teenagers currently and a nine-year-old boy. Needless to say my eyes are wide open now and even though I want to love each of them and I will always love them, but now I absolutely want to respect them as well…Again thank you so much.
So wish I had read when my son was little, but found powerful at 30 years old as well. Although we don't line up on our worldview at this stage, I found an area I genuinely
admire and respect in my son. When I told him I respected the way he handles his finances, my words resonated with him in a way that he immediately physically sat more erect (in the car passenger seat) and then shared with me some of his business ideas.
This book has been invaluable! My sons are 20 and 22, and my godson is 12. I purchased this book 6 months ago and have been amazed at how much it has transformed our conversations. I make sure to tell them how much I respect them via texts. Because it's not in person, it is not awkward and received well by them…This shows the different way that men communicate and receive love vs how women receive love and communicate. It is a different language. It will feel awkward, just like learning a foreign language. At times you will say it wrong or too often, but with practice, you will know the right way to use "respect" language and the exact words to use. It is worth the struggle. It will open your eyes and you will see exactly how much your son loves you by his actions. My sons now text me simple sentences just to let me know what is going on in their lives. I always thank them for sharing and leave it at that. Simple conversations=more conversations.
Through your book I realized I have never showed my sons (ages 19 and 21) respect. They know I love them, but I'm sure they never felt respected. I'm convinced my words (and actions) made them feel controlled and belittled, which created a wall between us. I'm learning how to honor my sons with respect (and space) and in return I'm receiving the love I crave. I try regularly to tell my sons something I respect about them or something that makes me proud. It is transforming our relationships...I have recommended this book to all my friends with sons. I even purchased it for one friend! This book is worth the time and the money for Moms to learn how to relate with their sons in the way that is most meaningful to them.
Your book was a powerful eye opener for me. Incredibly insightful. Practically helpful ...thank you for it. And I'm grateful to God - through Christ - for the way in which He's been using it in our lives. Truly.
I have two boys... I have recently read and listened to this book. I feel like this book has opened my eyes to how much I fail in my conversations with them... The conversations in your book are so foreign to me with my boys. I am at the point now where I can see where I did not respond with respect, now I need to get the vocabulary burned into my brain! It is going to be a process of changing my vocabulary, but I am committed to the long haul! I know it is what my young men need… The biggest mindset change has been with me focusing on spending shoulder to shoulder time with them and watching them doing things... I now have the freedom to just do stuff with them and not have to talk. This last weekend I was home alone with my [son]. We spent a lot of time talking about whatever was on his mind (he loves to talk), going for walks, playing things he enjoys, and working outside. It was a lot of shoulder to shoulder time. I cannot tell you how many times he said that he just loves spending time with me. This is the same kid that a week ago said that I don't act like I like him. On one walk he said that he was going to stay with me so he could protect me. Later in the weekend I said that I was glad he was with me and that I wasn't alone because I felt safer having him there. He was so energized by that.
I have seen dramatic improvement in my relationship with my…son since I began implementing the principles in the book. I already had a good relationship with my son and picked up the book in anticipation of these next…years, but I hadn’t realized how much better it could be for both of us. My son and I both win in so many ways!…I keep the book on my nightstand and keep going through it so I don’t forget any of the information. This has been a lifestyle change for me with my son because it just works.
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
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Product Quotes
Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.
Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.
We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.
We are worth Jesus to the Father.
It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.
Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.
Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.
Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.
If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.
When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.
Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.
A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.
Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.
Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.
Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)
To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.
God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.
Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.
“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.
Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.
Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.
Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.
Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).
If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.
Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.
When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.
You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.
When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.
God is good and wants what is best for us.
No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.
The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.
One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.
A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.
When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.
When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.
We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.
Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.
Your words reveal your heart.
You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.
She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.
Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.
Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.
If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.
A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.
How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.
Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)
Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.
If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.
Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)
A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.
Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.
It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.
Your spouse has a need only you can fill.
To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.
To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.
Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.
Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)
I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?
Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.
Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.
Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.
Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.
A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.
We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.
Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.
As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.
Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.
A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.
We are equal but we are not the same.
As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.
Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?
It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.
Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?
Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.
As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.
You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.
No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.
He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.
Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.
We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.
At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!
Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.
Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.
It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.
Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.
Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.
With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.
Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.
Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.
You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!
Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).
Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.
The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.
In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.
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