Mother & Son Course Workbook (Download)

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.