Mother & Son Course Workbook (Download)

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Your words reveal your heart.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.