The Language of Love & Respect

In this masterful follow-up to his best-selling book, Love & Respect, Dr. Eggerichs presents a practical, step-by-step approach for how husbands and wives can learn to speak each other’s distinctly different language.

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Explore The Language of Love & Respect

Crack the Communication Code in Marriage

This concise yet powerful resource takes you on a transformative short course, delving into the core principles of love and respect in relationships. Discover profound insights and practical guidance as you navigate the intricacies of communication, unlocking the key to nurturing a vibrant and fulfilling connection with your spouse. With its condensed format, this book within a book offers a valuable resource for those seeking to enhance their understanding of love and respect in a concise and impactful way.

Discover the three vital truths for better communication. These pivotal chapters shed light on essential aspects of effective communication in relationships. Delve into the significance of the mouth and words within the context of marriage, understanding their impact on connection and harmony. Embrace the beauty of differences and learn to navigate varying viewpoints with empathy and respect. Reflect on the crucial role of trust and goodwill in communication, fostering openness and vulnerability. Through these vital truths, you will gain practical strategies to enhance your communication skills, fostering deep and meaningful connections with your spouse.

Unmask the relentless enemy of marital communication known as "The Crazy Cycle." This eye-opening resource sheds light on the destructive patterns that can sabotage communication in relationships. Explore the negative spirals of reactions and responses that can escalate conflicts, leading to emotional disconnection and frustration. Gain profound insights into breaking free from this cycle, learning how to navigate conflicts with grace and understanding, and restoring harmony in your communication dynamics.

Discover the transformative power of "The Energizing Cycle" and its profound impact on communication. Dive into the core principle of meeting your spouse's needs as a foundation for fostering understanding and connection. Explore practical strategies for recognizing and fulfilling your spouse's emotional and relational needs, unlocking a powerful cycle of mutual support and engagement. This resource offers invaluable guidance to cultivate a thriving and vibrant connection built on love and respect.

The Rewarded Cycle in the book emphasizes unconditional love and respect in marriage, guided by obedience to God's commands, irrespective of a spouse's response. It highlights the spiritual rewards from God when one acts in love and respect. The book also introduces the "Jesus way of talking," which encourages truthful, uplifting, and forgiving communication. This cycle offers a liberating perspective, especially for challenging marriages, suggesting that one's actions can be spiritually rewarding even if their spouse doesn't reciprocate.

The Language of Love & Respect

Cracking the Communication Code with Your Mate

Crack the Communication Code: Mastering Love & Respect!

It's the number one question couples ask: "How can we better communicate?" In this masterful follow-up to his best-selling book, Love & Respect, Dr. Eggerichs presents a practical, step-by-step approach for how husbands and wives can learn to speak each other's distinctly different language - respect for him, love for her. The Language of Love & Respect goes deeper into the practical and "how to" of Love & Respect. Apply the concepts introduced in this book, and it will make an amazing difference in how you react and interact with each other. Previously released as Cracking the Communication Code.

Why does communication between couples remain the number one marriage issue?

Because most spouses don't know that they speak two different languages.

Communication expert Dr. Emerson Eggerichs says that the problem is couples are sending each other messages in 'code,' but they won't crack that code until they see that she listens to hear the language of love and he listens to hear the language of respect.

Dr. Eggerichs' best-selling book, Love and Respect, launched a revolution in how couples relate to each other. In The Language of Love and Respect, you will discover:

  • The basic communication differences between men and women
  • A biblical perspective with easy-to-use tips and advice
  • A quick review and summary for each chapter

Previously released as Cracking the Communication Code.

Get to know...

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

About Love & Respect
Portrait of Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Product Quotes

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

The Love and Respect Experience

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Building Blocks

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Respectfully Yours

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Building Blocks

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Building Blocks

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Love & Respect

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

The Love and Respect Experience

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The Love and Respect Experience

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Love & Respect Podcast

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Building Blocks

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Respectfully Yours

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Before You Hit Send

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

The Love and Respect Experience

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

The Love and Respect Experience

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

The Language of Love & Respect Book

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Love & Respect Book

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Building Blocks

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

The Love and Respect Experience

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Love & Respect Boook

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Building Blocks

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Respectfully Yours

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Building Blocks

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Building Blocks

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Building Blocks

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Building Blocks

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The Love and Respect Experience

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Respectfully Yours

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Love & Respect Podcast

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Building Blocks

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

The Love and Respect Experience

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Before You Hit Send

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Before You Hit Send

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Love & Respect Podcast

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Respectfully Yours

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Love & Respect Podcast

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Respectfully Yours

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The Love and Respect Experience

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Respectfully Yours

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Love & Respect

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

The Love and Respect Experience

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

The Illumination Project (Journal)

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Love & Respect Podcast

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The Love and Respect Experience

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The Love and Respect Experience

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Building Blocks

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Before You Hit Send

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The Love and Respect Experience

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Respectfully Yours

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The Language of Love & Respect

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Building Blocks

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

The Love and Respect Experience

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Love & Respect

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

The Love and Respect Experience

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Love & Respect

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Building Blocks

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The Language of Love & Respect

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Respectfully Yours

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Love & Respect

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Building Blocks

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

The Love and Respect Experience

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

The Love and Respect Experience

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

The Love and Respect Experience

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Love & Respect

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Love & Respect

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Building Blocks
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