The Language of Love & Respect

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.