The Language of Love & Respect

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)