Respectfully Yours - Leader's Guide (Download)

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.