The Illumination Project Journal (10 Pack)

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your words reveal your heart.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.