The Illumination Project Journal (Download)

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your words reveal your heart.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)