Crazy Cycle CD (10 Pack)

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Your words reveal your heart.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.