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Respectfully Yours

Session Overviews

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs delves into the realm of male-female communication, shedding light on the profound understanding that we are not inherently wrong, but rather beautifully distinct. Drawing from the truth that we are both made in the image of God, he emphasizes the notion of equality within our differences. God intentionally crafted men and women to be equal yet unique. Within the intricate tapestry of relationships, both genders yearn for love and respect. However, during times of conflict, Emerson reveals a crucial insight: men's deepest need is rooted in the desire for respect, while women's deepest need finds its foundation in the longing for love. By embracing this understanding, we can navigate the intricacies of communication and foster a deeper sense of connection and harmony in our relationships.

"The Crazy Cycle" is a profound concept introduced by Emerson Eggerichs that unveils a common pattern in relationships where love and respect are lacking. It illustrates the dynamic that when a woman feels unloved, she often responds without showing respect to her partner, and vice versa. This creates a continuous cycle of negative reactions that further perpetuates the conflict. In his teachings, Emerson provides valuable insights on understanding the dynamics of the Crazy Cycle—what it entails, how it arises, and, most importantly, how to break free from its destructive loop. He challenges individuals to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit, emphasizing its transformative power in halting the Crazy Cycle and fostering healthier interactions. By embracing this approach, couples can find a path towards resolving conflicts, building mutual respect, and nurturing a more loving and harmonious relationship.

At the core of our faith lies the understanding that God is a loving Father, whose commands are not intended to inflict harm upon us, but rather to guide and protect us. As a good and trustworthy God, His instructions are given with our best interests in mind. It is through this lens that we can approach His commandments, knowing that they are not burdensome impositions, but rather pathways to abundant life. In seeking a deeper revelation of God as our heavenly Father, we open ourselves up to a transformative understanding of His character and intentions towards us. As we come to know Him more intimately, we realize that His heart desires what is truly best for us. This revelation instills within us a deep trust, enabling us to surrender our worries and concerns, knowing that He will faithfully take care of us. With this newfound understanding and trust, we can embrace a life filled with hope, security, and the assurance that our heavenly Father is always working for our good.

When we place our faith in Jesus Christ, a remarkable transformation takes place within us. We are no longer defined by our past or our shortcomings, but rather we become a new creation, intimately connected to God's Kingdom. In this newfound identity, we discover that we are royalty, heirs to the promises and blessings of God. This realization goes beyond the assurance of eternal fellowship with God and the hope of entering heaven, although those are significant blessings in themselves. We also gain a new sense of identity, recognizing our inherent worth and value in the eyes of God.

With this understanding, we are empowered to embrace our true identity as women of dignity. As we recognize our worth to God, we can extend that same unconditional respect to our husbands. It is through this lens that we can honor and value our spouses, seeing them as fellow creations of God and treating them with the dignity and respect they deserve. This shift in perspective allows us to engage in relationships with a newfound grace and humility, fostering an atmosphere of love, respect, and mutual honor.

Getting in tune with our thoughts enables us to take them captive in obedience to Christ, renewing our minds as we focus on the Truth in God's Word. Through this intentional process, we learn how to maintain respect in the midst of unloving actions, dealing with negative thoughts that lead to negative feelings, and replacing them with the power of Scripture. As we immerse ourselves in God's Word, our minds are transformed, aligning our attitudes and actions with the character of Christ. This journey of renewing our minds leads to true freedom, breaking free from the chains of negativity and experiencing the profound liberation, peace, and joy that comes from aligning our thoughts with God's truth in Christ.

Showing respect to your husband is a simple yet powerful endeavor that can significantly impact your relationship. By being friendly, conscious of your facial expressions and tone of voice, and avoiding contempt, you can motivate and inspire your man. Embracing a positive, respectful approach not only changes the atmosphere in your home but also creates a harmonious and loving environment. Through practical examples and behaviors like active listening and affirming his efforts, you can demonstrate respect and make a tangible difference in your relationship. Remember, showing respect does not mean sacrificing your own needs or boundaries but rather recognizing the value and worth of your husband as an equal partner. By nurturing mutual respect and understanding, you can cultivate a relationship built on love and create a home filled with harmony and joy.

Respectfully Yours

Participant Study Guide

The Secret to Power and Influence in Your Marriage!

Ephesians 5:33 holds a timeless truth that has been right in front of us for almost 2000 years: husbands are called to love their wives, while wives are called to respect their husbands. As women across the nation become acquainted with the Love and Respect message, they often seek guidance on understanding and practicing respect in their marriages. Respectfully Yours provides the answers they are looking for and so much more. Within its pages, we uncover the secret to cultivating power and influence in your marriage.

Transform Your Marriage with Respectfully Yours

This journey entails distinguishing Biblical respect from being a doormat, breaking free from negative thought patterns, embracing the transformative truth that differences don't mean being wrong, but simply being different, and learning practical yet impactful ways to apply respect in everyday interactions. By doing marriage God's way and following the principles outlined in Respectfully Yours, you can reap eternal rewards and experience a profound transformation in your relationship. Explore our Respectfully Yours Study Guide, available in a 10 Pack, along with the additional Leaders Guide for comprehensive support and guidance.

Get to know...

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

About Love & Respect
Portrait of Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Product Quotes

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Love & Respect in the Family

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Love & Respect in the Family

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Love & Respect Podcast

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Before You Hit Send

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Building Blocks

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Love & Respect

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Love & Respect in the Family

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Love & Respect

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The Love and Respect Experience

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The Love and Respect Experience

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

The Love and Respect Experience

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

The Love and Respect Experience

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The Love and Respect Experience

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Building Blocks

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Love & Respect in the Family

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Love & Respect

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Before You Hit Send

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Before You Hit Send

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Love & Respect Podcast

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Respectfully Yours

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Love & Respect

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Respectfully Yours

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Love & Respect Book

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Building Blocks

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Love & Respect Book

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Love & Respect

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

The Language of Love & Respect Book

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Before You Hit Send

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Before You Hit Send

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The Language of Love & Respect

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Love & Respect

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Love & Respect

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

The Love and Respect Experience

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The Love and Respect Experience

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Respectfully Yours

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Before You Hit Send

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Respectfully Yours

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Respectfully Yours

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Love & Respect in the Family

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Love & Respect

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

The Language of Love & Respect Book

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Respectfully Yours

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Building Blocks

We are equal but we are not the same.

Building Blocks

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Love & Respect

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Before You Hit Send

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The Love and Respect Experience

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Love & Respect in the Family

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Building Blocks

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The Love and Respect Experience

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect Experience

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

The Love and Respect Experience

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Before You Hit Send

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Love & Respect

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Before You Hit Send

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

The Love and Respect Experience

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Love & Respect

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Respectfully Yours

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Building Blocks

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Love & Respect

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Building Blocks

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Respectfully Yours

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Love & Respect

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Respectfully Yours

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect Experience

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The Love and Respect Experience

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

The Love and Respect Experience

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Building Blocks

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The Language of Love & Respect Book
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