Respectfully Yours - Leader's Guide
This thorough, step-by-step, Leader’s Guide makes it easy to lead the Respectfully Yours DVD Women’s Study! The Guide includes the member’s Study Guide content so that Leaders only need this combined guide to lead the DVD study (or streaming version). Each session contains extra notes specifically for Leaders, to guide them in leading this study most effectively.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs delves into the realm of male-female communication, shedding light on the profound understanding that we are not inherently wrong, but rather beautifully distinct. Drawing from the truth that we are both made in the image of God, he emphasizes the notion of equality within our differences. God intentionally crafted men and women to be equal yet unique. Within the intricate tapestry of relationships, both genders yearn for love and respect. However, during times of conflict, Emerson reveals a crucial insight: men's deepest need is rooted in the desire for respect, while women's deepest need finds its foundation in the longing for love. By embracing this understanding, we can navigate the intricacies of communication and foster a deeper sense of connection and harmony in our relationships.
"The Crazy Cycle" is a profound concept introduced by Emerson Eggerichs that unveils a common pattern in relationships where love and respect are lacking. It illustrates the dynamic that when a woman feels unloved, she often responds without showing respect to her partner, and vice versa. This creates a continuous cycle of negative reactions that further perpetuates the conflict. In his teachings, Emerson provides valuable insights on understanding the dynamics of the Crazy Cycle—what it entails, how it arises, and, most importantly, how to break free from its destructive loop. He challenges individuals to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit, emphasizing its transformative power in halting the Crazy Cycle and fostering healthier interactions. By embracing this approach, couples can find a path towards resolving conflicts, building mutual respect, and nurturing a more loving and harmonious relationship.
At the core of our faith lies the understanding that God is a loving Father, whose commands are not intended to inflict harm upon us, but rather to guide and protect us. As a good and trustworthy God, His instructions are given with our best interests in mind. It is through this lens that we can approach His commandments, knowing that they are not burdensome impositions, but rather pathways to abundant life. In seeking a deeper revelation of God as our heavenly Father, we open ourselves up to a transformative understanding of His character and intentions towards us. As we come to know Him more intimately, we realize that His heart desires what is truly best for us. This revelation instills within us a deep trust, enabling us to surrender our worries and concerns, knowing that He will faithfully take care of us. With this newfound understanding and trust, we can embrace a life filled with hope, security, and the assurance that our heavenly Father is always working for our good.
When we place our faith in Jesus Christ, a remarkable transformation takes place within us. We are no longer defined by our past or our shortcomings, but rather we become a new creation, intimately connected to God's Kingdom. In this newfound identity, we discover that we are royalty, heirs to the promises and blessings of God. This realization goes beyond the assurance of eternal fellowship with God and the hope of entering heaven, although those are significant blessings in themselves. We also gain a new sense of identity, recognizing our inherent worth and value in the eyes of God.
With this understanding, we are empowered to embrace our true identity as women of dignity. As we recognize our worth to God, we can extend that same unconditional respect to our husbands. It is through this lens that we can honor and value our spouses, seeing them as fellow creations of God and treating them with the dignity and respect they deserve. This shift in perspective allows us to engage in relationships with a newfound grace and humility, fostering an atmosphere of love, respect, and mutual honor.
Getting in tune with our thoughts enables us to take them captive in obedience to Christ, renewing our minds as we focus on the Truth in God's Word. Through this intentional process, we learn how to maintain respect in the midst of unloving actions, dealing with negative thoughts that lead to negative feelings, and replacing them with the power of Scripture. As we immerse ourselves in God's Word, our minds are transformed, aligning our attitudes and actions with the character of Christ. This journey of renewing our minds leads to true freedom, breaking free from the chains of negativity and experiencing the profound liberation, peace, and joy that comes from aligning our thoughts with God's truth in Christ.
Showing respect to your husband is a simple yet powerful endeavor that can significantly impact your relationship. By being friendly, conscious of your facial expressions and tone of voice, and avoiding contempt, you can motivate and inspire your man. Embracing a positive, respectful approach not only changes the atmosphere in your home but also creates a harmonious and loving environment. Through practical examples and behaviors like active listening and affirming his efforts, you can demonstrate respect and make a tangible difference in your relationship. Remember, showing respect does not mean sacrificing your own needs or boundaries but rather recognizing the value and worth of your husband as an equal partner. By nurturing mutual respect and understanding, you can cultivate a relationship built on love and create a home filled with harmony and joy.
The Secret to Power and Influence in Your Marriage!
Ephesians 5:33 holds a timeless truth that has been right in front of us for almost 2000 years: husbands are called to love their wives, while wives are called to respect their husbands. As women across the nation become acquainted with the Love and Respect message, they often seek guidance on understanding and practicing respect in their marriages. Respectfully Yours provides the answers they are looking for and so much more. Within its pages, we uncover the secret to cultivating power and influence in your marriage.
PLEASE NOTE: This is the same Leader’s Guide that is contained in the Respectfully Yours Leader Kit. It is only for those who already have the Kit, but need another Leader’s Guide for a co-leader, or have lost their Leader’s Guide. YOU CANNOT USE THIS GUIDE WITHOUT THE DVDs SOLD ONLY IN THE LEADER KIT.
Transform Your Marriage with Respectfully Yours
This journey entails distinguishing Biblical respect from being a doormat, breaking free from negative thought patterns, embracing the transformative truth that differences don't mean being wrong, but simply being different, and learning practical yet impactful ways to apply respect in everyday interactions. By doing marriage God's way and following the principles outlined in Respectfully Yours, you can reap eternal rewards and experience a profound transformation in your relationship. Explore our Respectfully Yours Study Guide, available in a 10 Pack, along with the additional Leaders Guide for comprehensive support and guidance.
Read What Others Are Saying About Respectfully Yours!
I have been elevated to a place in my home that I used to fight for... not a doormat, but a welcome mat to the power of God in my marriage!
This study is excellent. Five reasons why I would recommended it to other ladies.1. Scripturally sound. 2. Helps improve our relationship with God. 3. Looks at marriage from a different perspective. 4. Brings life, vision, encouragement and solutions. 5. If I had taken this course many years ago, I would not have been involved in a divorce.
Personally, God has laid on my heart to do what I can to attract every woman in our church to accept the invitation to attend Respectfully Yours.
Why Hasn't Anyone told me this before?
...It was clear after a few classes that I had a crisis in faith not a crisis in my marriage.
I learned that this teaching didn’t feed his ego, but actually humbled him and caused him to want to connect and talk.
This freed me to realize I was meeting a need that he had equal to my need for love.
Respectfully Yours was exceedingly helpful for me in my marriage! Understanding ‘the crazy cycle’ has made a huge difference for both me and my husband. I highly recommend the study for its practical use and application.
This Respectfully Yours Kit has helped fine tune more of what women need to know when it comes to staying the course with a disobedient husband...I am forever changed and am praising God for this change.
The Respectfully Yours study was amazing! I am so thankful for the teaching and YES it has helped me!
I think Respectfully Yours is the BEST study a married woman can take! Being in marriage ministry, I have read and studied many books, but Respectfully Yours is the most powerful in truly transforming a marriage.
My marriage is in the process of being restored with every act of respect I perform. I am now able to lead the way in my relationship with a man I had lost all respect for.
You have empowered me to do better to follow God’s desire for my marriage. You have also given me a new hope and encouragement. It has been a blessed time for me, Thank you.
I am a newlywed and I feel now that I am well-equipped to love my husband better through respect.
Thank you for the shoulder to shoulder suggestion. I am going to take up golf with the clubs my husband bought for me 10 years ago. You are a blessing!
You’ve given me the tools to have confidence and through Christ all things are possible. I can take that home and be respectful toward my mother and to lay the foundation so that someday my mom will also know Christ.
I came reluctant to give my husband the respect that I know I am biblically commanded to do. Praise God…I learned some valuable insights and tools to turn that around. And, I know that I am not alone!
I am newly married and this is what I needed to hear to help my groom and me make some early course corrections (especially me!).
My prayer is for every woman young and old to put their hope and trust in the Lord and do this study and experience the power of God in her life and marriage. God bless every one of you at Love and Respect and every study group leader as you spread the message.
The ladies are challenged and have been responding. I am excited to continue on and see what God is going to do in the hearts and marriages of these ladies! Thank You.
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.About Love & Respect
Negative actions rarely produce positive results.
This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.
Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.
Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.
When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.
Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.
You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.
[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.
Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.
Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.
Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.
No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.
You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.
Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.
Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).
When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)
When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?
Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.
Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.
We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.
At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!
Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.
Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!
God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.
Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.
Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.
When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.
Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.
Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).
Your spouse has a need only you can fill.
She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.
Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.
Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.
We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.
[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.
Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.
Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.
Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.
We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.
We are equal but we are not the same.
You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!
We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).
Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.
Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.
It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.
Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.
Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.
Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.
Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.
The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.
We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.
Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.
We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.
There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.
[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.
Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)
Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.
Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?
“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”
Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.
When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.
In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.
I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?
When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.
You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.
If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.
Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.
You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.
She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.
Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.
When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.
If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.
As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.
You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.
The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.
A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.
Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.
Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.
Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.
Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.
When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.
To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.
You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”
Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?
Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.
Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?
Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.
Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.
Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.
When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.
As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.
Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).
Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.