Love & Respect in the Family (Audiobook)

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Your words reveal your heart.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.