Love & Respect in the Family (Audiobook)

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

We are equal but we are not the same.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.