Love & Respect in the Family (Audiobook)

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your words reveal your heart.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.