Love & Respect in the Family (Audiobook)

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Your words reveal your heart.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)