Love & Respect in the Family (Audiobook)

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.