Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Your words reveal your heart.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.