Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Your words reveal your heart.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.