Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.