Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)