Building Blocks Workbook (Download)

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.