Building Blocks Workbook (Download)

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.