Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.