Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.