Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Your words reveal your heart.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

God is good and wants what is best for us.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.