Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Your words reveal your heart.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.