Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.