Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Your words reveal your heart.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.