Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Your words reveal your heart.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!