Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Your words reveal your heart.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

We are equal but we are not the same.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.