Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your words reveal your heart.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.