Motivating Your Man God's Way: Discover One Word that Energizes Him to Love

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.