Mother & Son

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Your words reveal your heart.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.