Mother & Son

Your teaching has touched our family in a way that will change us for generations to come and I can never thank you enough.

I loved this book and recommended it for a book club of moms. It was helpful for each of us...Particularly appreciated the shoulder to shoulder time explanation, and the explanation of using the word respect in conversations with my sons. The book was helpful because it allowed me to see how my communication needed to be different with my sons than it is with my daughters. It made me more intentional in conversations with my guys.

I just finished Mother & Son and have learned so much. I have three sons...and have been struggling communicating with my oldest. A friend at church had recommended your book and it couldn’t have come at the more perfect time. For me it was easy and I get it now! Practically every chapter I was shaking my head in agreement. I think about things before I say them and try to explain in the most respectful tone without raising my voice. The biggest win for me was the first time I tried Respect Talk with my oldest son. We had gotten into an argument over the weekend and it was bothering me. A few days later I went into his room before bed and had apologized for my actions and how we are a lot alike and he is growing into a respectful and honorable young man. He grinned and I said good night and walked out. I went back into bed and within 5 minutes he came into our room to give us a hug, kiss, say good night and that he loved us! I had the biggest smile on my face. For me, this is easy and I get it now. I didn’t understand the blue way of thinking and it is something I am working on every day now. Thank you!

I have to admit that I am not great at either the love or respect talk!  So humbling.  And yet, this book really gave me incentive to try to be better, with concrete examples that I desperately needed.  I love my two teenage sons, and I've yearned to be a good mother to them, but wasn't sure how.  This book told me how, and is changing my relationships with them.  It is slow, because I do not change easily, but I am persevering, and better is BETTER!

When my son gives me his insight I say, “I really respect what you have to say,” or “I respect the way you handled that situation.” Or “I really respect how you are taking initiative to get things done and follow through with . . .” These things have made my son smile like I have never seen. I talk more about respect with regard to sporting events and showing respect for other opponents. My son knows without a doubt that I love him . . . now I feel he knows that I value him and his ideas, which I may not have done so well in the past. . . . Thank you so much for sharing God’s message.

In talking to my sons on the phone, I thought I would try out the respect thing. Instead of always ending our conversation with I love you, I said, “I respect (I made it personal to their situations).” One son got quiet and then said, “Thank you, mom,” which really touched my heart. Another son who is more distant from us emotionally and spiritually also got quiet and then said, “I love you,” which he seldom says first or responds to when I say it. To me that was awesome. I expect new fruit in many areas and look forward to using these tools to bring healing to first myself and then others. God bless your ministry.

My relationship with my twenty-two-year-old son improved overnight! Who knew that... simple changes in words could make such a difference. Now I tell him how much I appreciate him, and he tears up. Before, I told him I loved him and got back, "I know, I know, I luv u too." Learning the right words to get my feelings across in a way they can be assimilated was so easy!

Because of my lack of understanding the importance of respect, I purchased your “Mother and Son” book.  We adopted our son as a newborn.  We have always been honest with him about his story and now at 8 years of age he is beginning to ask some hard questions.  Your teaching is helping me to allow my boy to talk about his birth mom and ask questions and cry tears.  I don’t think I could have done that with the grace and kindness needed if I didn’t understand his need for respect.  Respecting my husband and my son is healing them.  It is amazing to see."

Just finished Mother & Son Respect Effect. I loved it!! I wish I had read it sooner although I do believe I’ve learned to respect my 16 year old in a just a few short weeks. I’ve told all my friends about it as I believe it’s a must for all moms of boys. I also strongly feel that female public school teachers should read this book!!

We have two boys, and our oldest is almost eleven. I know that he feels a lot of pressure on him to be a good example to his three younger siblings. I tell him I love him all the time, but I had never considered telling him I respect him. This last Tuesday, I was cleaning his room, and I found a note he had written. It said, “Failure=Benjamin.” He is very hard on himself. . . . I was devastated. I knew something had to change, and that something was us, his parents. We need to show him that we respect him. Before he got home from school, I made twelve notes and taped them around his room and hid them in places such as drawers and under his pillow: I love you. I respect you. I respect your ideas. I am so proud of you. You are the most creative person I know. You are a great big brother. As soon as he got home and saw the obvious ones I had posted, he ran to me and gave me a hug! His eyes were sparkling, and he was so excited. He immediately took the notes and made a board that said “compliment board” and taped them all to it. I have written him letters in the past to tell him I love him and how much he means to me (he is very sentimental and has kept every note and letter). But telling him I respect him went over the top. I have made a vow to respect my son and treat him like I want his future spouse to treat him.

A mother and preschool director wrote: We have four children, two boys and two girls. Our boys are in the middle and sixteen months apart. Our boys were arguing, bickering, and annoying each other on purpose around ages nine and ten... I would remind them to “be nice” or “show kindness,” and their actions would change for the moment, but it didn’t reach their hearts. As I applied the respect principle to them and said things such as “You aren’t showing your brother respect when you ______________.” Or “You show your friends respect, so you need to extend that same respect to your brother.” It was life-changing; it spoke to their hearts. Don’t get me wrong, they still have disagreements at thirteen and fourteen, but they are quick to resolve them, and they are best friends.

I have read Love and Respect years ago so I was familiar with the Respect message. However, I had not realized how much I didn’t know… What I didn’t know was my son, now adult, was starving for my respect as much as my husband did in the past. I always expected my son to show respect to me while thinking love was all he needed from me. Now, Emerson has opened my eyes again to the reality. I am getting ready to construct a letter to my adult son telling him how much I Respect him. I love the fact that there are practical words and phrases to use with my son that I would have never thought to say., Words that he longs to hear from me. Mother and Son is worth your read. Emerson will help you understand your son better.

…I had a heart-to-heart talk with our 35-year old son this past week. I started reading “Mother and Son” while we were still at the conference and was deeply convicted just after reading the intro! I texted my son immediately and said: “only gotten through the intro to Emerson’s new book and have learned that I have always loved you deeply, but have not always respected you – as a young boy or as a man. For that I deeply apologize and have much to seek your forgiveness for. God has already shown me two very specific times. Can we talk after I get home…at a time convenient for you?” he responded fairly quickly and said: “Yes we can”. We had a great 2-hour talk…and then, just as he was leaving, he came up behind me and put his arms around me and said, “I love you, Mom.” Whew…so special!

I just finished Mother & Son: The Respect Effect, and it has opened my eyes to a whole new world. I’m a divorced mom with 2 adult sons and no brothers, so sorely in need of this book to get a clue. Wow! I have also ordered the Love & Respect Conference DVDs to help me with gaining more knowledge on the topic. Can’t wait for them to arrive. Thank you for this wonderful and enlightening book.

I listened to the audio book but now I’m ordering the hard copy. There is so much amazing information in here, I need a better way to reference it! After having many years of marriage turmoil, I heard an explanation of the Crazy Cycle. In hearing this, I knew I needed to know more but marriage wounds were too fresh. Having two sons (9 and 4), I knew I needed understanding from God so that I would raise them with their masculine needs met to the best of my ability. This book has given me great illumination on the way God created the male gender and how to respond as their mother. It’s a book I need to reread every few years!

I first want to say thank you so much for writing this book for all of us mothers. I’m not a big reader but I just knew I needed to get through this. When my son was a lot younger of course our relationship was significantly different and it was all about love and he loved love. I realize in the teenage years that something was changing and I could not quite figure it out. And now I recently got married and I have three stepchildren. Each of them are boys. I have three teenagers currently and a nine-year-old boy. Needless to say my eyes are wide open now and even though I want to love each of them and I will always love them, but now I absolutely want to respect them as well…Again thank you so much.

So wish I had read when my son was little, but found powerful at 30 years old as well. Although we don't line up on our worldview at this stage, I found an area I genuinely
admire and respect in my son.  When I told him I respected the way he handles his finances, my words resonated with him in a way that he immediately physically sat more erect (in the car passenger seat) and then shared with me some of his business ideas.

This book has been invaluable! My sons are 20 and 22, and my godson is 12. I purchased this book 6 months ago and have been amazed at how much it has transformed our conversations. I make sure to tell them how much I respect them via texts. Because it's not in person, it is not awkward and received well by them…This shows the different way that men communicate and receive love vs how women receive love and communicate. It is a different language. It will feel awkward, just like learning a foreign language. At times you will say it wrong or too often, but with practice, you will know the right way to use "respect" language and the exact words to use. It is worth the struggle. It will open your eyes and you will see exactly how much your son loves you by his actions. My sons now text me simple sentences just to let me know what is going on in their lives. I always thank them for sharing and leave it at that. Simple conversations=more conversations.

Through your book I realized I have never showed my sons (ages 19 and 21) respect. They know I love them, but I'm sure they never felt respected. I'm convinced my words (and actions) made them feel controlled and belittled, which created a wall between us. I'm learning how to honor my sons with respect (and space) and in return I'm receiving the love I crave. I try regularly to tell my sons something I respect about them or something that makes me proud. It is transforming our relationships...I have recommended this book to all my friends with sons. I even purchased it for one friend! This book is worth the time and the money for Moms to learn how to relate with their sons in the way that is most meaningful to them.

Your book was a powerful eye opener for me. Incredibly insightful. Practically helpful ...thank you for it. And I'm grateful to God - through Christ - for the way in which He's been using it in our lives. Truly.

I have two boys...  I have recently read and listened to this book. I feel like this book has opened my eyes to how much I fail in my conversations with them... The conversations in your book are so foreign to me with my boys. I am at the point now where I can see where I did not respond with respect, now I need to get the vocabulary burned into my brain! It is going to be a process of changing my vocabulary, but I am committed to the long haul! I know it is what my young men need… The biggest mindset change has been with me focusing on spending shoulder to shoulder time with them and watching them doing things...  I now have the freedom to just do stuff with them and not have to talk. This last weekend I was home alone with my [son]. We spent a lot of time talking about whatever was on his mind (he loves to talk), going for walks, playing things he enjoys, and working outside. It was a lot of shoulder to shoulder time. I cannot tell you how many times he said that he just loves spending time with me. This is the same kid that a week ago said that I don't act like I like him. On one walk he said that he was going to stay with me so he could protect me. Later in the weekend I said that I was glad he was with me and that I wasn't alone because I felt safer having him there. He was so energized by that.

I have seen dramatic improvement in my relationship with my…son since I began implementing the principles in the book. I already had a good relationship with my son and picked up the book in anticipation of these next…years, but I hadn’t realized how much better it could be for both of us. My son and I both win in so many ways!…I keep the book on my nightstand and keep going through it so I don’t forget any of the information. This has been a lifestyle change for me with my son because it just works.