Mother & Son
Just as the New York Times bestseller Love & Respect message transformed family relationships with a biblical understanding of love and respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs now turns these principles to one of the most important and misunderstood relationships of all, the mother and son relationship.
What You Will Learn
- Learn the importance of mothers showing respect to their sons in the mother-son relationship.
- Understand the transformative power of respect in nurturing a strong connection with your son.
- Discover practical ways to connect with your son by better understanding and respecting him.
- Explore the distinct impact of respect on young boys and its positive effects.
- Gain insights to foster your son's growth and development through respect.
- Empower yourself as a mother with a definitive guide to connecting with your son in a meaningful way.
- Unlock the key to nurturing your son's heart through respect.
Respect Is the Key to Your Son's Heart
The idea of moms respecting their sons may sound alien to some, but it seems to ignite curiosity across the board. It is easy to relate to the need for all of us to feel a mother’s love, but is that the same thing as respect? Even for young boys, the effect of respect is nothing short of astounding when applied properly.
The definitive guide for a mom that wants to better understand her son and connect in a whole new way.
Empowering Mothers in the Vital Mother-Son Relationship
Mothers, it's time to address the urgency of the situation. While there's significant focus on coaching fathers to love their daughters, the conversation around specific ways for mothers to show respect to their sons has been largely silent and lacking comprehensive guidance. The undeniable truth is that little girls need their father's love, but who is championing the importance of mothers showing respect to their sons, both young and grown? It's no wonder that mothers often feel left in the dark on this vital topic.
Now, drawing from his transformative work in marital relationships, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs shifts his focus to one of the most significant bonds of all—the relationship between a mother and her son. By applying biblical principles of love and respect, he sheds light on this crucial dynamic and provides practical and applicable insights. It's time to bring clarity and understanding to the unique and essential role mothers play in showing respect to their sons.
Read What Moms Are Saying About Mother & Son!
Your teaching has touched our family in a way that will change us for generations to come and I can never thank you enough.
It was helpful for each of us...Particularly appreciated the shoulder to shoulder time explanation, and the explanation of using the word respect in conversations with my sons.
Practically every chapter I was shaking my head in agreement. I think about things before I say them and try to explain in the most respectful tone without raising my voice. The biggest win for me was the first time I tried Respect Talk with my oldest son.
I love my two teenage sons, and I've yearned to be a good mother to them, but wasn't sure how. This book told me how, and is changing my relationships with them.
These things have made my son smile like I have never seen. I talk more about respect with regard to sporting events and showing respect for other opponents. My son knows without a doubt that I love him . . . now I feel he knows that I value him and his ideas, which I may not have done so well in the past. . . . Thank you so much for sharing God’s message.
I expect new fruit in many areas and look forward to using these tools to bring healing to first myself and then others. God bless your ministry.
My relationship with my twenty-two-year-old son improved overnight! Who knew that... simple changes in words could make such a difference.
Your teaching is helping me to allow my boy to talk about his birth mom and ask questions and cry tears. I don’t think I could have done that with the grace and kindness needed if I didn’t understand his need for respect.
Just finished Mother & Son Respect Effect. I loved it!! I wish I had read it sooner although I do believe I’ve learned to respect my 16 year old in a just a few short weeks. I’ve told all my friends about it as I believe it’s a must for all moms of boys. I also strongly feel that female public school teachers should read this book!!
I have written him letters in the past to tell him I love him and how much he means to me (he is very sentimental and has kept every note and letter). But telling him I respect him went over the top. I have made a vow to respect my son and treat him like I want his future spouse to treat him.
It was life-changing; it spoke to their hearts. Don’t get me wrong, they still have disagreements at thirteen and fourteen, but they are quick to resolve them, and they are best friends.
I love the fact that there are practical words and phrases to use with my son that I would have never thought to say., Words that he longs to hear from me. Mother and Son is worth your read. Emerson will help you understand your son better.
"We had a great 2-hour talk…and then, just as he was leaving, he came up behind me and put his arms around me and said, “I love you, Mom.” Whew…so special!"
...it has opened my eyes to a whole new world. I’m a divorced mom with 2 adult sons and no brothers, so sorely in need of this book to get a clue. Wow!
This book has given me great illumination on the way God created the male gender and how to respond as their mother. It’s a book I need to reread every few years!
...Needless to say my eyes are wide open now and even though I want to love each of them and I will always love them, but now I absolutely want to respect them as well…Again thank you so much.
So wish I had read when my son was little, but found powerful at 30 years old as well.
My sons now text me simple sentences just to let me know what is going on in their lives. I always thank them for sharing and leave it at that. Simple conversations=more conversations.
I have recommended this book to all my friends with sons. I even purchased it for one friend! This book is worth the time and the money for Moms to learn how to relate with their sons in the way that is most meaningful to them.
Your book was a powerful eye opener for me. Incredibly insightful. Practically helpful ...thank you for it. And I'm grateful to God - through Christ - for the way in which He's been using it in our lives. Truly.
This is the same kid that a week ago said that I don't act like I like him. On one walk he said that he was going to stay with me so he could protect me. Later in the weekend I said that I was glad he was with me and that I wasn't alone because I felt safer having him there. He was so energized by that.
My son and I both win in so many ways!…I keep the book on my nightstand and keep going through it so I don’t forget any of the information. This has been a lifestyle change for me with my son because it just works.
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.About Love & Respect
The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.
Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.
Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.
Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.
Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.
Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.
Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!
Negative actions rarely produce positive results.
If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.
In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)
Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.
The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.
You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!
Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.
We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.
If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.
“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.
Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.
Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.
Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.
Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.
As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.
Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.
No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.
You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”
Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.
As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!
God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.
When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.
Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.
When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.
A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.
Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.
Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.
A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.
Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.
A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.
It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.
Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.
God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.
We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.
Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.
Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)
Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.
You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.
Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.
If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.
Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.
Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.
Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.
Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.
[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.
[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.
Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.
Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?
When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.
Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.
Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.
Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)
A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.
Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.
Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.
Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.
We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.
God is good and wants what is best for us.
Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.
When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.
Your spouse has a need only you can fill.
Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.
If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.
One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.
To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.
He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.
As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.
Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.
Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?
Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.
We are worth Jesus to the Father.
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.
You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.
Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).
Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.
To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.
A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.
How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.
A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.
Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.
Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.
You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.
You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.
If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.
To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.
[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?
Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.
We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.